Hello friends. I know that I haven’t been around much lately. To tell the truth, I just haven’t been in a very good mental space for the past couple of weeks. This is something that I have definitely battled over the years. The paralyzation of fear, which always starts so small, and eventually becomes a mountain to overcome. Little things become large problems, and large things become overwhelming. I haven’t been my usual happy self, and I don’t generally like to put that down on e-paper, or saddle any of you with it. But it has been nearly overwhelming me for the past few days, and I need to do something to get it out of my system. I would simply lay the odds of my having a heart attack in the next month or so at about 3-1.
Baseball, ugh. That’s been my mantra for the past couple of weeks. Ugh. Wow, we’re bad. Those of you who don’t know baseball won’t understand the magnitude of this next little anecdote, and I apologize for that. Feel free to skip ahead to the next paragraph. But for those of you who do, let me just say that this truly sums up our entire season. We lost, yet again, by a large margin. All because we fell apart for one inning. Take out the third inning, and we win 3-1. Unfortunately, we lost that particular inning 11-0. So we lose the game 12-3. We’re at practice the next day, talking about the loss with the team, and one of my 10-year olds (we only have 5 of them, the rest of the team being 7-, 8-, and 9-year olds) and “team leaders” thinks that we lost 12-4. He says, “No coach, remember? I made a point.” Ugh. Not, “Coach, I scored a run” but “Coach, I made a point”. This is the reason that if I wasn’t bald before the season started, I would be now. I have one pitcher that can consistently throw strikes. Unfortunately he does it at slightly slower than batting practice speed, so he gets hammered. I have another pitcher who could be dominant, and occasionally throws strikes. But he mainly looks like he’d like to be absolutely ANYWHERE other than the pitchers mound. I have another kid who has, literally, a two-second attention span. Maybe less. No joke, he was pitching, and the batter hit a soft line drive back to the mound. This kid puts his glove up from pure reaction because the ball is coming at his head. But in-between the time that the ball leaves the bat, and when it reaches the mound, he forgets why he put his glove up, drops his glove, and gets hit in the face with the ball. Ugh. Last game, one of the only kids on the team that can field a ground ball comes up to the other coach and tells him that he really, really doesn’t want to play in the infield this game. I have a catcher who is a complete natural behind the plate. Hustles to get passed balls, makes shotgun throws down to second base to nail baserunners, bounces out on pop foul balls. Loves being back there, and is extremely focused. Oh, just one problem, he can’t catch the ball. At all. Every single pitch pops out of his glove. Yeah, there’s a reason that they call it “catcher”. Almost all of our outfielders are scared of the ball. Pop flies, they run right to it, get the glove up, and at the last second turn away because the ball might hit them. Most of our infield would make great matadors, they treat ground balls like a bull, “Toro!” as they spin out of the way. At least the outfielders also miss it while backing up. We went an entire 6-inning game without getting a put out at first base. Do you know how hard that is to do? But more than anything else, the season can be defined as: “Coach, I made a point”.
I’m a little overwhelmed on the job front, too. I get rejection after rejection, and it is starting to wear on me. Have a couple of interviews this week and one next week. Bombed the first one, but will hopefully do better on the next two. Now I am beginning to worry though, that I still won’t have work when unemployment runs out later this year. I can survive by cashing out some of my retirement money, but if I can avoid that I would certainly like to. I just want to find a job at a company that I can be with until I no longer need to work. I was at Exclusively for nearly 16 years, and it was a dead end. I don’t want to get a job with another small company that I will be stuck in the same situation that I had to leave before. I want something where if I’m stuck in the same job, at least I can make more money every year to compensate for cost of living and such. But I fear now that I’ll have to take something crappy just to keep the roof over my head. I have friends now that are struggling and/or failing to even do that much. If I could play poker full time and supplement with some cooking/baking, I would do it. But I truly don’t think that I have the mental toughness to play poker for a living. It takes too much of a grind when you’re worried about actually NEEDING the money as opposed to having it be a bonus when you win it. I’ve done very well since losing my job. Cashed again this week, which makes 14 out of 21 this year, and 25 out of 35 since losing my job in September. But I know that streaks run both ways, and could easily not cash for a couple of months too. I’m up a little over $6K since September, which is nice as an added income, but would be terrible if I had to live on it. I keep plodding along, and hope to have something come through soon. But the longer it drags out, the more stressed I am.
At least my blood pressure is only 143/108. That’s good right?
There is plenty more on my mind, but I have a hard time motivating myself to write right now, so I shall wrap up for now. I thank you all for bearing with me during this down phase. I’ll be back to my happy self soon enough, it never lasts for long.
Wish me luck on my interviews.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
The Burden of Intelligence
It’s been a while since I’ve actually typed out a “real” blog, and I do apologize for that. I set the bar pretty high in March, and then disappointed terribly in April. Hopefully May will come through in a big way, and I can get back to writing regularly. April was just a funky month for me, mentally, and I’m kind of glad that it’s over.
I have a new favorite player in the NFL, and he’s someone that most of you will probably never have heard of. His name is Myron Rolle, and he was drafted in the 6th round last weekend by the Tennessee Titans. He came out of Florida State, so I already liked him, being the Seminole fan that I am. But Mr. Rolle didn’t play for the Seminoles last year. Last year he was studying at Oxford, courtesy of having been awarded a Rhodes Scholarship, pursuing a degree in medical anthropology. He graduated from FSU in 2 ½ years, and played football for the three years he was at the school. Then did a year at Oxford as a Rhodes Scholar, after which he came back to the States to pursue his career, hopefully, in the NFL.
There are so many problems in the NFL right now (and really, in all sports), as far as character issues, that it is nice to see someone of this stature actually get taken in the league. So, after celebrating last Saturday when he was selected by the Titans, what was the first thing Mr. Rolle heard the analysts talk about? How he really hasn’t shown a commitment to football. When he interviewed with the head coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, what was the question that the clearly non-Rhodes scholar coach asked him? “How did it feel to desert your teammates last year?” Wow. The guy graduates early, but because he doesn’t throw away an opportunity that only 32 men and women are afforded each year, he has deserted his teammates, and has a lack of commitment?
Maybe that should have been the tack to use against Bill Bradbury (the only former pro-athlete who is also a former Rhodes Scholar) when running against him in elections. Sure, he’s smart and all, but he deserted his teammates for a year when they really could have used him.
Myron Rolle is smart, well-spoken, and charismatic. He’s discussed health care policy with one of those other Rhodes Scholars, Bill Clinton. He plans on using some of the money he makes in the NFL to build a medical clinic in the Bahamas. He should be the person that the NFL should be latching onto as the type of player it wants.
I don’t buy into the race-card very often, but I do wonder if the reception would have been different if Mr. Rolle were white and played quarterback. But he’s black, and plays safety. That type of player is “supposed” to be dumb and pliable. Just shut up and work hard, and you’ll do just fine.
The biggest problem, though, is that he’s smart in a profession that doesn’t value intelligence. Hell, he’s smart in a society that doesn’t value intelligence. Intelligence scares people. When George W. Bush “beat” Al Gore in 2000, the one thing that I heard from SOOO many people was, “Bush just seems like someone I could sit around and drink a beer with”. Gore came across as stuck-up and too smart for the average person to relate to. Bush was just a good ol’ boy. Obviously, we probably should have gone with the smart guy, but hey, intelligence isn’t high up on this country’s priorities.
Intelligence has become a burden in our society. Rather than being lauded as something good and worthy of praise, it causes a backlash from the vast majority of people that don’t possess it. I was fortunate enough to be gifted with a higher level of intelligence than most. But when I was young, it was the single biggest factor in my lack of social skills. I moved around a lot as a kid. When I finally settled into a school in the 3rd grade, I was the kid that blew the bell curve by a mile. So not only was I the “new” kid, but I made everything more difficult for the other kids in class because I was smarter than they were.
Eventually, I learned to “hide” my intelligence. I would act dumb, I wouldn’t try very hard on tests, I would screw up on purpose, all so that I might “fit in” better with the rest of the kids. As soon as I did this, I got a lot more friends. I was “okay” now, because I wasn’t smarter than everyone else. I was “one of the guys”, and it was okay to like me now.
It’s terrible that as a society, we don’t place a higher value on intelligence. Sure, we all want Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, et. al. to continue providing us with the neato magic boxes that make the shiny noises and stuff. But God forbid we should ever actually be associated with nerds like that. We couldn’t be “cool” then.
We’re all living in a world that thinks like a 14-year old, and it’s only getting worse.
Personally, I embrace the people in my life who are intelligent. If they’re smarter than me, I try to learn. If they’re not as smart as me, I try to teach. The world can only be a better place if we’re smart enough to make it so. So I do not question Myron Rolle’s commitment. He could be in medical school right now, and instead, he’s playing a game that will destroy his body in only a few years. More than anyone in his draft class, he understands the risks that he is facing. And he’s doing it anyway. If anything, I believe that makes him MORE committed, not less.
I have a new favorite player in the NFL, and he’s someone that most of you will probably never have heard of. His name is Myron Rolle, and he was drafted in the 6th round last weekend by the Tennessee Titans. He came out of Florida State, so I already liked him, being the Seminole fan that I am. But Mr. Rolle didn’t play for the Seminoles last year. Last year he was studying at Oxford, courtesy of having been awarded a Rhodes Scholarship, pursuing a degree in medical anthropology. He graduated from FSU in 2 ½ years, and played football for the three years he was at the school. Then did a year at Oxford as a Rhodes Scholar, after which he came back to the States to pursue his career, hopefully, in the NFL.
There are so many problems in the NFL right now (and really, in all sports), as far as character issues, that it is nice to see someone of this stature actually get taken in the league. So, after celebrating last Saturday when he was selected by the Titans, what was the first thing Mr. Rolle heard the analysts talk about? How he really hasn’t shown a commitment to football. When he interviewed with the head coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, what was the question that the clearly non-Rhodes scholar coach asked him? “How did it feel to desert your teammates last year?” Wow. The guy graduates early, but because he doesn’t throw away an opportunity that only 32 men and women are afforded each year, he has deserted his teammates, and has a lack of commitment?
Maybe that should have been the tack to use against Bill Bradbury (the only former pro-athlete who is also a former Rhodes Scholar) when running against him in elections. Sure, he’s smart and all, but he deserted his teammates for a year when they really could have used him.
Myron Rolle is smart, well-spoken, and charismatic. He’s discussed health care policy with one of those other Rhodes Scholars, Bill Clinton. He plans on using some of the money he makes in the NFL to build a medical clinic in the Bahamas. He should be the person that the NFL should be latching onto as the type of player it wants.
I don’t buy into the race-card very often, but I do wonder if the reception would have been different if Mr. Rolle were white and played quarterback. But he’s black, and plays safety. That type of player is “supposed” to be dumb and pliable. Just shut up and work hard, and you’ll do just fine.
The biggest problem, though, is that he’s smart in a profession that doesn’t value intelligence. Hell, he’s smart in a society that doesn’t value intelligence. Intelligence scares people. When George W. Bush “beat” Al Gore in 2000, the one thing that I heard from SOOO many people was, “Bush just seems like someone I could sit around and drink a beer with”. Gore came across as stuck-up and too smart for the average person to relate to. Bush was just a good ol’ boy. Obviously, we probably should have gone with the smart guy, but hey, intelligence isn’t high up on this country’s priorities.
Intelligence has become a burden in our society. Rather than being lauded as something good and worthy of praise, it causes a backlash from the vast majority of people that don’t possess it. I was fortunate enough to be gifted with a higher level of intelligence than most. But when I was young, it was the single biggest factor in my lack of social skills. I moved around a lot as a kid. When I finally settled into a school in the 3rd grade, I was the kid that blew the bell curve by a mile. So not only was I the “new” kid, but I made everything more difficult for the other kids in class because I was smarter than they were.
Eventually, I learned to “hide” my intelligence. I would act dumb, I wouldn’t try very hard on tests, I would screw up on purpose, all so that I might “fit in” better with the rest of the kids. As soon as I did this, I got a lot more friends. I was “okay” now, because I wasn’t smarter than everyone else. I was “one of the guys”, and it was okay to like me now.
It’s terrible that as a society, we don’t place a higher value on intelligence. Sure, we all want Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, et. al. to continue providing us with the neato magic boxes that make the shiny noises and stuff. But God forbid we should ever actually be associated with nerds like that. We couldn’t be “cool” then.
We’re all living in a world that thinks like a 14-year old, and it’s only getting worse.
Personally, I embrace the people in my life who are intelligent. If they’re smarter than me, I try to learn. If they’re not as smart as me, I try to teach. The world can only be a better place if we’re smart enough to make it so. So I do not question Myron Rolle’s commitment. He could be in medical school right now, and instead, he’s playing a game that will destroy his body in only a few years. More than anyone in his draft class, he understands the risks that he is facing. And he’s doing it anyway. If anything, I believe that makes him MORE committed, not less.
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