To Picture My Life, You Need A Higher Resolution

Was out of commission for a week or so there, battling whatever illness is making the rounds currently. Being sick always makes me look on the things in my life that I take for granted in a new light. Health, obviously, as I'm sure is the case with most people. More than that though, it's the secondary things that are created by good health. Freedom. Freedom of movement, freedom to do whatever you feel like doing at any given time, freedom to sleep or eat or exercise when and how you want. So many things are taken for granted on a daily basis. We might be lazy bums, sitting around the house doing nothing, but we are CHOOSING to be lazy bums sitting around doing nothing. Until we're sick. Then all of a sudden, the choice is no longer ours, and like the teenager whose parents tell him that he can't do something, immediately that's the only thing that he wants to do.

I think I gained more out of this temporary illness than I expected though. If you read through my blogs from the past few months, you can tell that I had been in a pretty dark place towards the end of the year. I was letting too many things get to me, drag me down, and I was not fighting back with the happiness that I shield myself with. It is rare that I let that depression pierce me, and much rarer still that I allow it to fester. I started to snap out of it after the holidays were over, but it wasn't until this past week that I truly felt the burden of it leave me.

I had bargained with it, tried to trick it away, conned myself into believing that it was gone, but it was still there. Do you know that feeling, the first day you REALLY feel healthy after being sick. It's like the whole world has opened itself up to you. The clarity with which you see the world on that day is unlike anything else. You're a high def person living in an analog world, if only for a day. That's how my consciousness felt this weekend. There was nothing in particular that triggered it, but the burden that I'd been carrying around for the past few months was just gone. I had pushed it into the corner, thrown a blanket over it, and decorated it with flowers for the past month, but I hadn't really removed it. Until now.

I walked down to the store on the corner this afternoon, and I had the urge to pump my fists in the air like Rocky on the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum.

Not much had changed. I'm still unemployed with no real leads on the horizon. Still can't get sick, because I have no insurance. Still using the don't break down car plan. But all of a sudden, it just feels okay.

To be sure, it was a good weekend. I took 4th at AIPCO, for $400 or so. I got another order for desserts at the restaurant. I had the grand idea of selling off my excess desserts on facebook, and it worked quite well, with all but one selling. That will dramatically increase my profit margin on desserts in the future. The weather was beautiful. Yeah, it was a good weekend. But there have been plenty of good weeks and weekends in the past few months, and none of them have had this type of transformative effect on me. I cannot say what it was, but I'm happy to have experienced it.

Last night, I got about 90 minutes of sleep for the night. The switch flipped the day before, and I think my mind just couldn't turn off because of the positive energy that was flowing through me for the first time in months. I took Benadryl, I read for two hours, I played games on my phone, eventually, I just stared at the ceiling until almost 7am. Then was awake by 9, and was wide awake. So I went with it, and the day was fabulous from start to finish.

A quote from a song that I've been listening to a lot recently: "Does anyone feel like how I feel? Then you can relate to this."

My hope is that everyone out there, friend and foe, can feel the way that I feel right this moment.

God Hates Fags

I had originally planned on avoiding the whole topic of the Arizona shootings. I wrote a blog last year about “The Politics of Hatred”, and didn’t really feel like rehashing the same things again. (Granted, I could probably write about it every week for a year, and not run out of things to say on that topic). But then I read about the Westboro Baptist Church, and their plans to protest at the funeral of 9-year old Christina Greene, the young girl killed in the shootings, as well as implying that she’ll be going to Hell. Well, how could I resist blogging about it now? Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) is most famously known for having the wonderfully colorful slogan “God Hates Fags”, which is their web address as well. They’ve been spouting vitriol and hatred around the country for years.

I got an email from a friend of mine a few weeks ago. She’s very much anti-organized religion, and feels as though it is responsible for where the world is today. I respectfully disagreed, saying that while I think that religion as a whole shaped much of the world prior to the start of the 20th century, through a combination of exploration/expansion (much of which was spurred by religious conviction) and pre-20th century wars (many of which were brought about by religion), overall, I think religion has lost much of its influence over world affairs. I argued that its influence has been largely muted by a combination of Nationalism, the rise of corporate power, the globalization of the economy, the rise in communication via technology, and the widening of economic disparity between the upper 1% of the wealth in the world and the decline of the middle class.

For 95-99% of the people involved in “organized” religion, this loss of influence means absolutely nothing. They still go to church, and have their own dialogue with whatever God or gods they choose to worship. The problem lies in that small percentage of people who are the ones who had power and influence, and have now lost much of it. They have compensated for the loss of influence by becoming more extreme in their message. The problem is that these whack-jobs have become the “voice” of their respective religions. Most Muslim people are extremely kind, and despise the violence that has been purported to be representative of their religion as a whole by the extremists that have carried out that violence. Most Muslims are appalled by the actions of those extremists. Just as most Christians are appalled by the actions of the WBC. The problem is that extremism makes for good media coverage, and thereby throws fuel on the fire.

The extremists from every religion in the world are not the people that should be determining policy, but they seem to be more and more. The same problem is presented in politics. We are, as a country, very centrist. For the most part, people want to pull together, not apart. Left and right, we are not that far apart on the issues. I’m about as Left as one can get. I make Bill Maher look conservative. But I know that I’m an outlier, not one of the masses. The masses all fall pretty close to the center line, just a little bit to the left or the right, depending on economics/upbringing/location. But even though a VAST majority of the people fall within that center range, they aren’t the ones setting policy. More and more, it has become who can yell the loudest. Who can force the other party into some compromising position, rather than getting there through actual compromise. What’s mine is mine, and yours is mine. I’m sorry, but compromise does not mean abandoning my position in favor of yours.

So we’re stuck with extremists spouting off their positions. We’re stuck with Sarah Palin putting up a gun-sight target on Gabrielle Giffords, and some whack job taking it literally, and killing a 9-year old girl in the process. And then the REAL whack jobs saying that it’s a sign from God and that the little girl is going to Hell, and they need to protest her funeral to get the point across. And people wonder why I no longer want to have kids. Why would I want to bring a child into a world that has gone this mad?

I only hope that at some point in my life, we will see a shift away from hatred. Because right now, it is only getting worse. I don’t believe in your God, WBC, because if there IS a God out there somewhere, and he is the type of God that hates fags and sends 9-year old girls to Hell, then I’d rather BE in Hell.

What I learned... The 2010 version

Yes, it is time again to reflect upon the year that was. 2010 wasn’t the greatest of years, but as I sit down to write about it, all I can think is that for all it’s faults, it sure beat 2009.

As always, I will start by saying that I am thankful more than anything for the friends that I have. Not a day goes by that I don’t feel truly blessed to have all of you in my life. When I sit down to write something like this, I am almost overwhelmed with emotion simply by thinking of how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. You are all so kind, and if I have absolutely nothing else in my life, I would feel as though I were still the luckiest person I know because of you. Thank you all.

I learned that there truly can be a baseball team bad enough that even Arbo and I can’t coach it into a winner.

I am thankful to have gotten back into coaching this year, but would like to forget the 2010 season. Specifically the things that made my head just want to explode, like Austin referring to his game winning run as “Coach, I made a point!” and Dylan forgetting that he put up his glove to block a line drive coming at his head just in time to drop his glove and get hit in the face. Ugh.

I learned that, “Ugh” is the new “shit”. It can mean 50 different things, and express at least that many kinds of frustration.

I learned that the Eugene public library has a pretty amazing selection of CDs, and that coupled with iTunes, it makes an already impressive CD collection truly mammoth.

I’m thankful to have had the opportunity to discover a TON of new music this year. Between random CDs checked out at the library, Pandora internet radio, and the Shazam app for my iPhone, I’ve found all kinds of stuff that is amazing to listen to.

I’m thankful for my iPhone, which finally catapulted me into the new millennium with the ability to text.

I’d like to forget the fact that I have now been unemployed for 16 months. I’d also like to forget the near misses that I had in the last year, having gone 0-7 in interviews. Especially the one as the assistant equipment manager for the U of O baseball team that would have been a pretty sweet job for a baseball guy like me.

I’d like to thank Emilee for introducing me to the wonderful sandwiches at Jimmy John’s.

I’m thankful for the way things broke for me in poker this year. I cashed in over 50% of my weekly tournaments (an insanely high number), and also cashed three times at AIPCO. I had one streak in my weekly game where I cashed 11 weeks in a row, a record that is on par with DiMaggio’s hitting streak. I still can’t believe it as I look back on it.

I learned again this year that Tony is STILL unbeatable in the year end tournament at “The Rob”. Four years and counting, Sir. Congrats again.

I learned that if you manage it just right, you can have fresh pomegranate year round. They will keep in the fridge for nearly 7 months, and you can then freeze the arils, and they’ll keep for another 6 months. I think I missed my window this year, but starting next year, it’s pomegranate year round for me.

I’m thankful for finally having the opportunity to get my desserts into the restaurant down the street from my house. Hopefully they will sell well enough that I’ll be able to use that as a stepping stone to getting them into many places in town.

I learned that Mafia Wars was too much of a time suck for me to handle, and am thankful to have walked away from it this year. Now I can concentrate on much more important things on facebook, like Scrabble, Wheel of Fortune and CBS Franchise Football.

I learned that my blog is greatly followed in Japan. I don’t exactly know how it happened, but when I look up the statistics for where my readers are logging in from, Japan gives me a large chunk of my readership. I am thankful for this, even as I am confused by it.

Much like last year, I am thankful to have a hot tub.

I learned that growing your own herbs is quite a bit more expensive and time consuming than buying them at the store. But I also learned that they taste pretty amazing, and that it really is more about the process than the product.

I'm thankful for summer BBQ's with Cecelia and friends.

I learned that George R.R. Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire books are pretty amazing reads. I’m thankful to HBO to making such a big production out of them, which got me to read them in preparation of it.

I’m thankful for all the new friends that I made this year, and the old ones that I reconnected with.

I’m thankful to have had an opportunity to see Kevin for the first time in many years this summer when he was out here on business.

I’d like to forget the excruciating experience of listening to bad karaoke simply to be able to hear Mandi sing a song. You sounded great Mandi. At least what I could hear after jabbing my eardrums out with a steak knife before you got up there.

I am thankful for Bitchin’ Kitchen on Cooking Channel. I didn’t know that I would like it, but that girl is so much fun.

I learned that Robert Harrison should be working for NASA. Punch in “Robert Harrison Icarus Project” in your Google search bar. Who knew $750 could get you better space photos than $450 million could?

I'm thankful to Ruthie for being kind enough to kick in FAR more than her share for the year end party at "The Rob", allowing me to do a 17 course meal for everyone.

I’m thankful for the status updates between Kate and David, which remind me (and everyone else on their friends list) just how amazing love can be.

I learned that the world’s phosphorous reserves are nearing their peak in the next decade or so. I’d like to forget what that means, but unfortunately can’t. Less phosphorous=Less fertilizer=Less food. Well, at least the world population isn’t going up… D’oh!

I’m thankful for AMC putting out some great television this year, as Breaking Bad was amazing, and The Walking Dead looks like a keeper. But I’d like to forget that you cancelled Rubicon after only one season, bastards.

I learned how to make a bunch of new cheesecake flavors this year, and hope for more next year. Let’s hear it for White Chocolate Macadamia Nut, Rosewater, Kalamata Fig, Green Tea, Turkish Apricot and Mandarin Orange cheesecakes. Next year I’ll REALLY experiment.

I’d like to forget about Faroukanstandiadad or whatever his name was from Northern Iowa who sank the bracket of half the country when he single-handedly beat Kansas. Bitter, table for one…
I’d like to forget that Powell’s books no longer holds the allure for me that it once did. I’d like to have it still be something that I went out of my way to do. When I was in college, I’d go up there, and a $25 book could be found for $10-12. Now it’s $18-19. There’s no incentive, other than to find titles that I can look for somewhere else at a better price. I miss the days when I’d go in there with Dave, armed with his sister’s employee discount card, and walk out with two bags of first edition hardcovers for under $100.

I am SOOOO thankful for Archer on FX. If you’re not watching it, you need to be. Netflix season one RIGHT NOW. Then tune in January 27th for the premiere of season 2. Funniest show on television.

I learned that Canada might want to do a test run on the centerpiece of their torch-lighting before having it malfunction in the middle of the opening ceremony. Well, at least no one was watching… D’oh!

I learned that the guy who hired Pat Garrett to track and kill Billy The Kid was the same person who wrote Ben Hur.

I also learned that the person who ended up killing Pat Garrett fled to South America and was killed… by Butch Cassidy.

I learned that greeting cards for no reason whatsoever hold so much more meaning than ones for a specific day or holiday.

I am thankful that Chance made it through another year. You just keep going, kitty.

I learned that the crappy 80’s movie Against All Odds was actually a remake of an INCREDIBLE movie from the 40’s with a very young Robert Mitchum and Kirk Douglas. Highly recommended.

Finally, I am thankful once again to any of you who actually took the time to read all of this. I know that you can choose to spend your time doing a variety of different things, and that you would spend it reading my ramblings means more to me than you know.

New Years Resolution...

So, I don't bother much with New Year's Resolutions, because I'm realistic enough to know that most of them will fall by the wayside. So, I won't be using my gym membership more (yes, amazingly enough I do have one), and I won't be eating better (thank you Jack In The Box for a great breakfast this morning). I won't be doing more projects around the house or anything of that nature. No, I kept my New Year's Resolutions rather short and sweet this year: Get a job. Write more.

Hopefully the first one will come through soon enough. But the second one I can definitely start working on right away. I can't promise that I'll have great blog posts all the time, but I will endeavor to post more often, even if they are short, as this one will be.

I just wanted to throw that out there, and then put in a little joke that was sent to me, as well as my rebuttal to it. No matter which side of the political aisle you're on, you can enjoy one side or the other.

Happy New Year my loyal readers (all two or three of you). I'm feeling like 1/1/11 is all about the renewal.

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To My Democrat Friends:


Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011 but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.



To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!


Have a blessed Christmas!



---------My Rebuttal-----------------------


To my progressive liberal friends around the world: No matter what holiday you celebrate during this season, we wish you and your family well.


To my conservative friends around the world: Merry Christmas. Because of course, Christmas is the only holiday worth celebrating, and if you're not with us, you're against us. Christmas is the holiday of NASCAR, the NRA, and the American Family Association, which so clearly represent the best interests of the world as a whole. I mean, surely those billions of people around the world who don't celebrate it just haven't opened their hearts to Jesus. Also, to the gays, blacks and other people who are impinging on our holiday, don't you have Kwanzaa or some "gay" holiday that you can celebrate instead? I mean, Christmas is a time for the children of Jesus to celebrate, and that ain't you folks. So crack open a Bud Light to toast the new year my friends, ours is the enlightened path!