Well, it’s the first week of a new year, and I’m sitting
down at the computer listening to Rush’s Different Stages Live, so I’m assuming
that it must be time once again for you to read about What I’ve Learned, What
I’m Thankful For, and What I’d Like to Forget about… well, about both 2018 AND
2017, because as you’ll see in just a moment, this blog wasn’t here last year
for the first time in a decade or so.
But hopefully you’ve missed me, and would like to read for a while, so
here we go...
I learned that depression is very, very real. It’s also a real bitch to overcome. The reason that I didn’t do this last year,
(as well as not doing a Dreaded Christmas Letter in 2017), was because I was in
an extremely dark place. I honestly
thought I’d dealt with depression from 2009 through 2016, but that shit was a
walk in the park compared to where I was mentally in 2017. I’ve never been that bad, and I hope to
never go back to it. I wish I could say
that I hope none of you ever have to experience it, but I know so many of you
who already deal with it so much. Let
me simply say that if you ever need to talk to someone that has been there, and
come through the other side, I’m happy to sit down and talk to you about it. Never any judgment here.
On the positive side of that equation, I learned that
therapy really does help. I’ve now been
going every two weeks for about 14 months, and I’m so much better. It is very much like when I went through
treatment for cancer 20 years ago. When
I was at the bottom of that, I never realized how much it had taken away from
me. But when I was healthy again, and
looked back on it, I couldn’t believe just how much of my physical strength it
took away. Well, when I look back on
2017, I can’t believe how much of my mental strength depression took away. With a year-plus of therapy helping me deal
with all of my shit, I look back now and am amazed that I made it through.
I’d like to forget how much death I’ve had to deal with over
the past two years among our animal children.
Kharma, our beloved pit bull.
S’onka and Otter, two of our three ferret rescues. Most of the fish from our pond. The problem with having pets for children,
is that you have the unenviable task of dealing with your children dying on a
regular basis. We were lucky for a
number of years, not having to deal with any of our animals dying.
I’m thankful for two new additions to our family this year,
Bhagwan the Chihuahua-Heeler mix, and Gandalf the wire-haired terrier.
I’d like to forget that seven months (Bhagwan) and five
months (Gandalf) in, we are still dealing with housebreaking issues on both of
them. Hard to rehabilitate street dog
rescues in that area.
Of course, the biggest thing I’d like to forget is a
two-parter. My dad dying in May of
2018 was rough. He was an asshole, but
he was my dad, and I’ll miss him. I’m
thankful that he lasted for 6 ½ years beyond my mom. I truly believed that he was going to be one of those people
that died a few months after their spouse.
They had been one another’s world for over 30 years. I just didn’t think he had it in him to last
that long.
But of course, the biggest thing I’d like to forget about
that whole thing is my sister deciding that she was going to keep everything
for herself. My dad changed the will in
2013 to give her control, because she was going to move onto the property and
take care of him. Then they got in a
huge fight, she never moved in, and he never changed it back. So, when he died, she took the house and
family trust (only worth at least a couple of million between them), and had
her lawyer send me a check for $25K.
I’m trying to learn to live with it, and trying to forget
the overwhelming amount of anger I feel about it every day. More job security for my therapist.
I’m thankful that I did at least get a relatively new car
out of it, buying a 2015 VW Passat in October.
I’d like to forget that TWO people have already hit my
relatively new car. At least the second
one did it when I was IN the car, so I was able to get some insurance
information.
I’m so incredibly thankful that I was finally able to get a
full-time rural position with Lane County.
Truly, despite the next paragraph, I can not express enough thanks for
being able to enjoy going to work every single day now.
I’d like to forget that it took me four attempts to get the
position. I’d like to forget the fact
that I missed out on the site that I truly always wanted, twice. I’d like to completely forget the two years
of hell that was working at Glenwood, which contributed as much to my
depression and the deterioration of my physical health as anything ever
has. I’d like to forget the fact that I
was filling out job applications by the dozen for the last few months that I
was there, knowing that if I didn’t get the position I got, that I was going to
have to reluctantly leave the county.
I’m thankful that it didn’t come to that, and that I now
envision myself working for the county for the rest of my life.
I’d like to forget how bitter I am that I’m going to have to
work until I die, because of the whole inheritance thing. I honestly feel like Samuel L. Jackson at
the end of Pulp Fiction, “I’m trying REALLY hard to be the Shepherd.”
I’m thankful for the experience of watching Hannah Gadsby’s
Nanette special on Netflix. I truly
believe that it should be required viewing for damn near everyone over the age
of about 12. It was only my 2nd
favorite thing that I watched on Netflix in the last two years (more on that in
a second), but it is by far the most important thing on there. I’m thankful that I’ve never had to deal
with anything even remotely close to the pain that she has felt in her life,
simply because of who she is and the life she has led.
I’m thankful for the only thing I’ve watched in the last two
years that was better (better in this case being so subjective as to almost be
comical; and the fact that I can even compare the two allows me to appreciate
more than I could ever express the extraordinary amount of privilege I have). But, all that being said, if you haven’t
watched Springsteen on Broadway, even if you never liked his music, it’s
unbelievably great. I’m sure that at
least some of the allure comes from the fact that A) I DO love his music, and
B) all the time that he spends talking about his father and what he meant to
him, was that much more powerful for me, having lost mine this year. But I can literally count on one hand the
number of things in my life that I have experienced that allowed me to laugh,
cry, reflect, and be thankful for in the course of a couple of hours.
I’m thankful for the other two new additions to our family
this year, Harold and Maude, our Pekin Ducks.
They have so much personality, and the level of comprehension that they
have when you’re talking to them is sometimes eerie. I love them very much, but…
I’d like to forget that they’re still living in the living
room at night, because we just haven’t ever had the time, energy, money, or
skill to finish their pen and allow them to sleep outside at night. Although, there are plenty of nights when I
don’t mind it at all, and enjoy the quirkiness that is my life. So call this a 50/50 like to forget/thankful
for.
I’m thankful for the fact that even though she lost the
battle of the pond, Sara won the war with the yard this year. Our garden produced quite a bit of food for
us this year, and the yard really looks amazing in the spring and summer when
everything is in bloom. And her little
miniature/gnome/fairy garden complex continues to grow and look amazing.
I learned just how hard it is to keep a pond. Fuck, if it wasn’t some parasite, it was the
pump going out, or raccoons discovering that our fish taste great, or plants
overrunning it and making the water features leak, or a hundred other things
that just overwhelm. Sara put in more
time and energy and effort to that pond than she really should have. I’ll miss it a lot, but I won’t miss
hearing “Fuck!!” every few days while looking at her staring at it.
I’m thankful that I was able to start the Eugene Free Books
group this past spring, where I hide books around town, much like the people
that hide rocks.
I’d like to forget that I’ve been lazy as fuck ever since it
started raining, and haven’t done much at all with it.
I learned a number of new authors the past couple of years,
well new to me, they’ve been around for a while. But I loved Sean Russell’s One Kingdom trilogy, and Kate
Elliott’s Crossroads trilogy. I also
started reading all of the Michael Connelly stuff after watching the Amazon
series based on his Harry Bosch character.
I’m really thankful for the Bosch series on Amazon, which
reminds me of just how good the basic police procedural drama can be if you
have great writers and actors.
I’m thankful for the fact that I finally bought three new
bookshelves and reorganized my library for the first time in years.
I’d like to forget the fact that the new bookshelves only
got me through the letter C, even AFTER I culled out everything that wasn’t a
first edition hardcover.
I’d also like to forget that I am now stacking things two
deep again, and don’t really have room to expand much more.
I’ve learned that I might have an addiction to book
collecting. Oh, who am I kidding, I
learned that 30 years ago.
I’m thankful for a handful of really dumb people at estate
sales when it comes to books. First
edition of Robin Cook’s “Coma” from 1977 for fifty cents? Yeah, I’ll take that. First Edition of Robert Jordan’s “The Dragon
Reborn” (which I originally bought used at Powell’s books 15 years ago for
$30), for only twenty-five cents? Sure,
I’ll take that off your hands. People
have become much more knowledgeable about book values over the years, which
just makes the really great finds so much better.
It seems like forever ago, but I’m so thankful for everyone
that turned out for the 10-year anniversary tournament of my weekly poker game
in March of 2017. We had 36 players
crammed into my garage that night, and it was wonderful to see so many of the
old faces.
I’m thankful that I was able to win the year-end tournament
this year for the third time in 12 tournaments. Tony Glidden I’m catching up.
I’d like to forget that we’re still drawing about a
half-dozen fewer people each week than I’d like to see here, but I’m hopeful
that we can turn it around this year.
I’m thankful for the people who are still coming most
weeks.
I’ve learned this year, so so much this year, that the
family you choose really is the most important family you can have in your
life.
On those lines, I learned that so many of the phrases we use
in everyday life have almost entirely opposite meanings of what they originally
did. People use the phrase “Blood is
thicker than water” to mean that family (blood) bonds us more tightly than anything
else. But the original phrase meant the
opposite, as it actually said “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the
water of the womb.”
I’m thankful for the blood of my covenant: My poker family;
My Churchill baseball family; my kink family; all the people that I’ve chosen
to have in my life. I accept all of you
as you are, and am thankful that you do the same for me.
I’m very thankful for Scott Lucas gifting me a piece of art
this year. I haven’t had the money to
buy art in years, other than tiny little pieces at a few art shows. It was a very kind gesture, and appreciated
more than I can say.
I’m thankful for the great documentaries that came out this
year, Won’t You Be My Neighbor, RBG, Three Identical Strangers, what a great
year for them.
I’m thankful for the last two years of great baseball from
the kids that I coached. We didn’t win
the championship either year, but going 31-5 in the regular season over two
years is pretty damn good.
I learned that the records I thought were truly untouchable
in my baseball coaching career, those of Ron Bisbee from 30 years ago, actually
could be broken. Not all of them, but I
finally had someone take down his strikeout rate record.
I’m thankful for the experience of coaching Sean Freepons. Remember that name, folks, because he’s got
a chance to go further than anyone I’ve coached in a long, long time. I’ll lose everyone that isn’t a baseball
stat nerd for a second, but his stats this year: A 1.46 ERA, and 2.02 K/9
(including 17 of 19 batters in the playoffs), while only pitching against the
four toughest teams in the league. And
then finding out AFTER the season that he had Celiac disease, and wasn’t
treating it. Now he’s gaining weight,
throwing almost 10mph faster, and picked up two new pitches for next year. I’m excited for a few years from now when I
can just sit in the stands and watch him like a fanboy.
I’d like to forget that I didn’t experiment nearly as much
with cooking the last two years. I
have very few new dishes that I had at the year end party, and have no really
exciting new flavors of cheesecakes or cookies.
I’d like to learn more, so challenge me with some creative
flavors the next time I’m baking, folks.
I have to send out a bit of a personal thank you to four
people, because I’m thankful that I’m friends with you all and I get to see
what you post online every day. Robert
Hoyt, I wish you lived closer, so you could hang out, drink, and play poker
here. I appreciate your rapier wit,
your love of sarcasm, and your absolutely brutal political posts. Meghan Chavalier, I look forward to reading
everything you post. I am envious of
your ability to turn everything from walking the dog, to slamming Trump, into
something witty and scathing at the same time.
Erika Leigh, I know you are overwhelmed by life way too often, and don’t
feel as though you have the time to devote to the activism that means so much
to you, but you are the conduit through which I gain so much information and
know what fights are worth fighting. I
appreciate all that you do. And finally
Trisha Holland, your life is literally the train wreck that I can’t keep my
eyes off of. I love your ability to
just cut yourself open for the world to see, day after day. It is painful and beautiful at the same
time. And you easily win the award for
best Memes, thank you for your daily dose of brutal in your face humor.
I know I say it every year, but I’m really thankful for the
Rush live albums. I love them all, but
I do think Different Stages is my favorite, which is why that is the soundtrack
to this blog all too often.
I learned that the Cape Perpetua campground is a really
awesome spot to camp. We ended up there
by accident, solely because the campground we wanted booked it’s last spot literally
two minutes before we pulled in. But it
turned out to be the best thing that could have happened, as we ended up at a
new spot that we liked even more, with great hiking and lots of cool stuff
around it.
I learned that Black Wolf Supper Club is a really awesome
place to eat a ton of comfort food.
I learned that Bruno’s Chef’s Kitchen is an even more
awesome place to eat really amazing gourmet food.
I learned that the Chaiyo food truck can compete with any
Thai food in town. I really love that
place.
I’m thankful that we have so much amazing Thai food in this
town, since it has surpassed Mexican food as my favorite thing to eat. I think I could eat Thai food a half-dozen
times a week and not get tired of it for a really, really long time.
As long as I’m on the new restaurant kick, I learned that
Bao Bao House is some really amazing authentic Chinese food. That place rocks.
I learned that it takes an inordinate amount of energy to
refrain from allowing this blog to devolve into a two-hour bitchfest about
politics. I do my best to always keep
politics out of this particular blog as much as possible. But damn, Sir Cheeto makes it so, SOOOO
hard to do that. That is all. Deep breaths, I can do this….
I learned that the Inn at Nye Beach has the only infinity
hot tub on the Oregon Coast. And it is
so, so wonderful. Just booked another
two nights there this spring.
I learned that yellow-jackets absolutely LOVE Jimmy Dean
sausage, and really love Cart De Frisco Chicken as well. When at SummerSpank last year, there was an
unbelievable amount of them. We made
homemade traps (something else I learned) out of water bottles, and tried a
variety of foods to lure them in. Jimmy
Dean sausage (Maple) was the OVERWHELMING winner. Literally in four days we caught over 50 in each bottle that had
that in it, while all the other traps caught maybe a half-dozen or so. But the most amazing thing ever was sitting
at the fairgrounds, listening to Night Ranger, and watching a single yellow-jacket
dismantle about an inch long piece of chicken in about 20 minutes. He just kept coming back over and over,
gnawing off a tiny piece, flying it away to his nest, flying back and breaking
off another piece. It was
fascinating.
I learned that the Oakridge site is really amazing for
watching wildlife. The herd of elk that
comes through there on a regular basis is really awesome to watch. But the truly amazing thing to watch is the
crows. The murder there is about
100-strong, and I had the opportunity to watch them absolutely badger a number
of hawks and falcons into submission.
Strength in numbers is cool to watch.
I’m thankful for my union.
I’m thankful that there are still unions in this country, although I’d
like to forget how much they have been weakened over the last few decades. But October of 2017 allowed me to learn what
it is like to actually walk a picket line.
The camaraderie of my fellow union members was something truly wonderful
to be a part of. No matter our
differences on other topics, when it came time to stand together, nearly all of
us did, and the few who didn’t missed out in a way they will never
understand.
I’m thankful for only one thing from my time working at
Glenwood. I’m thankful that the day
that Janine came in, that I was working the window that she paid at. Not often that your favorite porn star comes
to the dump, but lucky me, she did, and I was able to have a brief conversation
with her, and make her smile.
While I’m thankful for the #METOO movement, I’d like to
forget that it ever had to happen in the first place, that it took SOOOOO long
for it to happen, and that it will take way too long for it to make enough of a
difference that it will actually MEAN equality. I’d also like to forget just how many people that I loved before
were shown to actually be anywhere from marginal assholes to full-blown
douchebags. I just have the Obi-Wan
meme in my head: “Morgan Freeman! No! You were the chosen one!!”
I learned that you have to be really careful what all you
order off of Wish.Com. You can get some
really really amazing deals on there.
But be really careful on sizes, because wow, XL might mean anything from
XS to XXXXL. Good luck guessing. But it will definitely be way way cheaper
than you can get it anywhere else.
I’m thankful for game nights, and would like to forget that
we haven’t had as many of them the last two years. But I hope to remedy that in 2019.
I’m thankful for the opportunity to give my family ring
away. I was able to give it to a
relative that reminded me so much of me at his age, and keep it with an heir on
the side of the family that it came from.
I’d like to forget that I still feel weird not wearing
it. I wore it every day for 30+ years,
and it’s like a phantom feeling still.
I learned that Thor’s Well is really awesome to watch. I learned that my iPhone takes some amazing
slow-motion video. Put the two
together, and I learned that watching Thor’s Well in slo-mo is
mesmerizing.
Speaking of the slo-mo video, I learned that it is the
single greatest tool for teaching pitching that I’ve had in my 31 years of
coaching. Being able to scroll back and
forth in slo-mo, showing a pitcher exactly what they’re doing right or wrong, how
they’re gripping the ball, is awesome.
And the kids love it.
I’m thankful for Kenna Foster’s photography from
baseball. Truly awesome to look at
after every game. And I was able to
spot things in the photos that I never could with the naked eye, and make
adjustments with my pitchers from it.
I’d like to forget that I still haven’t won the
lottery.
I’m thankful for the $6 shirts website. It actually has allowed me to not feel
guilty buying myself some new clothes for the first time in a long time.
I’d like to forget that I have a really REALLY hard time
spending money on myself for anything other than food, books, and occasionally
a hotel room out of town. It’s a hard
habit to break, but I’m working on it.
I learned that I went into the wrong business. Really, almost every one of us did. I buy my two trophies for the poker players
every year from the same place. The guy
that owns it usually drives an H3 Hummer.
Bright yellow. This year, I
show up and there’s a brand new orange Corvette. So I go in, and say, “Wow, did you trade in the Hummer for a
Corvette?” “Oh, no, I’ve still got the
Hummer. And like, four other
Corvettes. THAT one is new, though!” Damn, who knew making trophies was that
profitable?
I’m thankful for Christmas Day on the Oregon Coast this
year. It was so warm that I was
walking around in just a t-shirt and shorts, with no wind, no clouds, no
fog. I didn’t even think that was
possible on the Oregon Coast in December.
I’m thankful for what an amazing speech Mahershala Ali gave
at the SAG awards in 2017. I still
enjoy watching it.
I’m thankful for the things that go around every once in a
while that have you post your 10 favorite (books, movies, albums), one each
day. I learned a lot about all of my
friends from those, and loved doing them myself.
I learned that skinning hazelnuts is super easy if you boil
them for a minute or so first.
I’m thankful for the experience that is releasing 1500 live
lady bugs into a garden. You are
COVERED in them, and you cannot stop laughing.
Try it sometime.
I’m thankful for Dan Rather being such a great presence on
social media. I was really too young to
appreciate him as a journalist when he was still doing the national news, but
am glad that he’s found a second life online.
In some combination of learning and thankful for, I had two
spiders in the booth up at McKenzie Bridge in the summer of 2017. One was tiny and the other one an average
size. The tiny one caught a flying bug
in its web, but it was too large for it to wrap up, so the big one came in and
pilfered it. Wrapped it up all while
the tiny spider paced back and forth, presumably angry that it’s meal was being
taken away. It was a fascinating thing
to watch for an hour or so.
I’m thankful for Game of Thrones, even though I prefer the
books. I’d like to forget that George
R.R. Martin takes 7-8 years between books.
Bastard.
I’d like to forget the last two fire seasons, and just how
much was destroyed.
I’d like to forget that I pushed really hard to win my
second “Best Cookie Baker” win in the Best of Eugene survey, only to have them
not publish who won the write in category, despite it being part of the
survey.
I’m thankful for the Book Buddy app, which finally allowed
me to scan all of my books in by barcode, so that I never end up with
duplicates again.
Speaking of apps, I learned there’s an app called Be My
Eyes, that allows you to connect with blind people who need help with basic
things like grocery shopping, or locating things on a shelf. Really a cool thing for those people who
want to help others, but you know, also don’t really want to go out into the
world.
There have been far FAR too many people that have died over
the past two years to do any adequate kind of list, but some of the people I’m
thankful for their lives and careers, and would like to forget that they died:
Reg E. Cathey, Hugh Hefner, Chris Cornell, Stephen Hawking, Anthony Bourdain,
Aretha Franklin, Stan Lee. So many
more, but those were the most meaningful to ME.
I’m thankful for the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. And thankful that a Bichon Frise won last
year.
I’m thankful that ‘Pharma Bro’ Martin Shkreli went to
jail.
I learned that ducks love peas, but REALLY love cherry
tomatoes.
I’m thankful that Bob Ross is on Netflix. Need to relax? Just watch him paint trees, man.
That shit’ll chill you out in no time.
I’m thankful that I was able to see Labrynth on the big
screen last year.
I learned how the Monopoly game at McDonald’s was rigged for
years, and it was an ex-cop that did it.
Google it if you’re interested, it’s a fascinating read.
Speaking of long-form journalism, I learned the story behind
the NotPetya cyber attack. Give
yourself a half-hour and read it.
Really amazing story.
I learned that in 2018, 64 years after Brown vs. Board of
Education, Alabama’s public school system finally became fully integrated. And people still try to say we don’t have a
racism problem in this country.
I also learned the story of Robert Smalls. Google him. One of the most amazing Americans ever.
I’d like to forget that Dave Roberts manages the
Dodgers. I’d also like to forget that
they gave him a fucking contract extension.
I’m thankful for the 21 years I got out of my Ford. I rolled it off the lot with 23 miles on it,
and turned it in with 250K on it. Well
worth every penny I ever spent on it.
Finally, I’m thankful for all of you. Anyone that has read all of this, you’re a
glutton for punishment, but you have my thanks. I’m thankful for all of my friends, who mean the world to
me. You ARE my family, more now than
ever before. I don’t say it enough, I
don’t think I COULD ever say it enough, but I love all of you. My world is worth living because I have all
of you in it. It is the bonds that we
forge together, big and small, that carry us through the years. You have my unending gratitude, and you
will have it until the day I die.
I’m sorry I wasn’t here last year, but hopefully I will be
for as many years as possible going forward.
Here’s to an amazing 2019 for all of us.
