Call James Cameron, the bar just dropped a little lower...

I really need to listen to music more. You would think that someone who owns roughly 5000 CDs, between actual CDs and iTunes, would be listening to music constantly. But I don’t do it as often as I should. My drive time (roughly 10 hours a week in the car) is spent listening to podcasts, which I never get caught up on. When I’m at home, I’m usually trying to get caught up on the backlog of TV shows that I’ve taped. I used to listen to a lot more music than I do now, and it’s really something that I just need to do. Because for me, music and writing go hand in hand. I should realize this as my best blog every year is my recap of the previous year, and I can’t even start that until I put on the live Rush albums.

So, tonight, in the middle of sending out a ton of emails, and getting caught up on some paperwork that has been eating my time up this week, I took a short break to check a couple of entertainment websites that I keep up on movie, tv and music news with. Which led me to a movie that is apparently about Kit Harrison’s abs, with Mt. Vesuvius as a backdrop. But there was a song playing in the background, so I looked it up, found the video on YouTube, and have had it playing repeatedly for the last hour or so.

So, I’m putting the video in this blog, and hope that you enjoy the song as much as I have. It seems that when I find a song like this, that helps my mind get to the place I need it to go in order to write, it really makes no difference what the words are, or the meaning behind them. It’s really just all about the melody for me. If the sound flows right in my brain, it triggers the ability to write. Honestly, the song could be all about raping puppies, but if the music was right, I wouldn’t even hear the words. I hear the words that I’m typing out, the music just makes them flow easier.

So, first, the video, and then on to the story that I heard earlier and wanted to talk about...


Now, for something completely different…

So, I’m driving to work this afternoon, and listening to my favorite podcast, the Tony Kornheiser show out of D.C. It’s a great mix of sports, news, entertainment, and general hilarity. But today, during the newscast, they brought up a story that was in the Washington Post about a policy the District of Columbia city tax department has been enforcing over the past few years. (I’ll include a link at the bottom to the actual article in the Post) It seems that the city, in an attempt to recover delinquent property tax revenue, began selling off tax liens on properties in the city. In many cases, the bills were very small, under $500, on properties that were owned free and clear by the residents. In the past, these bills were purchased by mom and pop type investors, who worked with the owners to get caught up. But in the last few years, that has morphed into a system dominated by predatory investment groups that come in, buy the tax lien, create a huge legal bill, and when the homeowner can’t pay it, they take the property, leaving the owner with nothing.

One of the people in the story owned a $197,000 house, owed $134 in back taxes, and lost the house. Another woman was in a nursing home suffering from dementia, and lost her house over a $44 bill. This is one of the most disgusting things I’ve heard in quite some time.

Honestly, it takes quite a bit to get me actually worked up over something. I look around at our society, and realize that we’re all in this handbasket on the express elevator going down. For the most part, I simply shake my head and resign myself to the fact that my generation was the tipping point, and it’s only going downhill from here. Most days that doesn’t bother me. Most ‘depressing’ stories that get other people riled up, I saw coming years ago, or I simply chalk up to avarice and/or hubris.

But this story struck a nerve, because it is just so wrong on so many levels. The people defending the program, whether it be the city officials or the people working for the investment firms, try to justify the program by saying that the people losing their homes were given ample opportunity to pay back the taxes. I’m sure that everyone followed the letter of the law. But when someone is a 76-year old veteran who is suffering from dementia, or a 95-year old suffering from Alzheimer’s, do you really think they were capable of understanding the tax laws? And where is their advocate? Was the city truly trying to work with them, or simply trying to pass the buck and get their money? Because you KNOW that the investment company wasn’t trying to work with them, they were trying to screw them out of the property as quickly as legally possible. There aren’t too many things that you can buy for $150, and sell for $125K a few days later.

So… way to go, humanity. Just when I thought you couldn’t ever shock me again, and that I was capable of handling you no matter what depths you sank to, along comes this story. Excuse me while I throw up in my mouth a little bit.

I’ll try to be back with something more positive soon. Puppies and kittens, rainbows and unicorns, something, anything to move on from this.

The link to the story in the Post if you’re interested: http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/investigative/2013/09/08/left-with-nothing/

Control Freak

Just write. Just sit down and put the words on the screen. Sometimes, forcing myself to start at least gets me in the mindset where I find it easier. It’s always been like that for me, in so many areas of life. I seize up, everything grinding to a halt, and then have no idea how to get started again. I know I have touched on this in previous blogs, my writer’s block, my inability to motivate myself to come back to this. I hate sounding like a broken record, constantly harping on the same shortcomings that lead to long stretches without writing. So tonight, I simply told myself to sit here and start writing, until I found my voice. Perhaps it will come, perhaps not.

I did have one realization today, when Sara and I were walking out of the library. I understood why certain things stress me out to a massive degree, while other things don’t bother me at all. It dawned on me that ever since I was a child, I have planned for the worst. I spend a lot of my free time thinking of things that could possibly go wrong, in any aspect of my life, and planning for how I would handle it. As an extreme example, I can remember writing things with my left hand, just in case I ever lost my right one. But even fairly common things, I have always had a backup plan, and a backup to the backup plan. That’s why, under most circumstances, I never panic, I am always solid in a crisis. There have been times when I have avoided collisions in cars doing 80mph, because I don’t panic. When I found out I had cancer, I just cracked jokes and made everyone feel at ease. I often have the most profound sense of déjà vu when certain things happen, because I have rehearsed them in my head. But on the flip side, I think that when something unexpected comes along, when something that I am relying on breaks, when a health complication that I haven’t thought about crops up, when something comes totally out of the blue, it hits me much harder than the average person. It is a combination of shock that I hadn’t prepared for it, and frustration with myself for not having seen that potential outcome.

The last few years have had far too many of those moments.

Now, some of you might be thinking that this is a terrible way to live, always thinking of possible negative outcomes. That I couldn’t possibly be enjoying life as much as I should be. In some ways, you’re right. But I have always found plenty of joy in living. I have spent a lot of time thinking of various outcomes to all the various threads that tug on my life. But I have literally done it since I was a child. It is simply who I am, and how I have always been. And for the most part, that person is happy far more often than not. And I wouldn’t know how to change, even if I thought I could. Not that I really have any desire to. I realize that I’m 41, and guys pretty much lose the ability to make those types of life-altering changes to their persona many years before that age. I can try not to be a total control freak, but it would be baby steps, and nothing more. It would never allow me to completely let go.

I am honestly envious of people who can just completely let go. I have never possessed that skill. I always am in control. Alcohol? Nope. Even when I was a lush (they tell me that I had a lot of fun in my early 20’s), I was in control. Even when drunk, I was the one who handled the police if they came to the front door of a party. They say alcohol only amplifies who and what you are. If you’re an asshole, you make a mean drunk. If you’re happy, you make a happy drunk. I’m a good person, and always in control. Alcohol doesn’t change that, it amplifies it. It’s probably why I could never be hypnotized, just couldn’t give up the control. Hell, it might even be why I have always come out of anesthesia early; my body just doesn’t like it when I don’t have control of my faculties.

It is completely hard-wired into my DNA, control of self, of mind, always on guard. It is why the women I have dated over the years have always felt as though I was their rock. It is why friends have always treated me the same way, always knowing that I would be the voice of reason, no matter how crazy the whirlwind around me. I love that, and love being there in that role for both friends and lovers. I take pleasure in it, and always have, also back as far as I remember.

I don’t have any idea how to wrap this blog up, because I started it without a plan or a roadmap. But obviously I just needed to sit down and write, and the words came. I haven’t kept up the schedule that I wanted to recently, but at least I didn’t go months in between. And now I know that the words are there, even if I have to force them out at first.

Thank you for reading, I adore you all. And when you need that rock solid voice of reason, you know who to call.

Breathe. Just Breathe.

Wow, it feels so foreign to me to sit down to blog. It has been forever, and I have no excuses other than my own lack of motivation (what’s new). I mean, this year has been brutal, but the level of stress that I have felt this year simply means that I should have been writing more, not less, as writing is truly one of the few things that allows me to get it out of my body. There’s a line in the song that I’m including with this blog that rings so true to me: “If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me”. It’s unbelievable how directly that hits the nail on the head.

So, where to start?

My mom, I suppose. Much like my cancer did in my 20’s, I have a feeling that this will not really sink in for years. I kept waiting for the boulder of emotions to slam into me, and…. it never did. I don’t know why. For as much as my friends use me for an armchair psychologist, I don’t understand the inner workings of grief any better than the next person. It has been limited to a few minor breakdowns, in small moments that I would normally have shared with her. But overall, the effect has been one of isolation. She really was my best friend, and the one person that was always there, and now she’s not. So, the stress that has filled the rest of my year, where in the past I would have sought her advice (or at least accepted her consolation), has been shouldered by me, and me alone. Furthermore, what I had always known would come true has indeed come to pass. The glue that held my family together is gone, and I don’t believe there is anything that is going to change that. My mom died on February 24th. It is now July 21st. I have spoken to my dad twice since she passed. I haven’t spoken to my sister once. I haven’t spoken to any other member of my family since. I hope that my sister and my father are speaking regularly, but don’t have any idea if they are. I always felt that if my mom died first, we would all just drift away from one another, and that certainly seems to be the case. It is sad, but because it is what I always expected, it is not devastating to me. It simply fuels my isolation a bit more.

I don’t know if the fact that the rest of the things that have happened to me this year are a sign of progress or digression. The past few years have been terrible to me overall. I’ve written about them enough that I don’t need to rehash the details. But suffice to say, they’ve sucked. When those years were happening, they felt terrible. This year, even though it’s the worst and most stressful since 2009—the year from hell—it has only felt numb. I don’t know if that means I’m just learning to cope with the crap better, or if I’ve just been beaten down to where I don’t have the fight left that I once did. I don’t feel defeated, but neither does the boxer who has clearly lost and yet hasn’t been knocked out. I have always looked at the glass as half-full, but I don’t trust my judgment as much as I once did.

So what else?

Virginia. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Thank you so much for defaulting on your student loan that I cosigned for when we were engaged. Thanks for the $20K+ that I had to pull out of my retirement money to bail your ass out, because the other option was them possibly taking my house. Oh, and thanks for the added bonus of me not being eligible for any Federal Jobs, because I have delinquent Federal debt. Yeah, fuck you.

My health. You know it’s great news when you get the voicemail from your doctor a few hours after they run blood work saying, “Um, yeah, you should call me.” Fasting blood glucose of 308. Wheeee!! Say goodbye sugar! Got it to 104 in six weeks through a combination of dietary changes, exercise and Metformin. I’d like to not have to take another drug for the rest of my life, so hopefully I’ll be able to slowly work my way off of that one. But when I was off it unintentionally for a couple of days, it jumped my level back up to 140, so probably not. My bursitis in my hip is killing me lately. The drive to McKenzie bridge three times a week doesn’t help. Physical therapy could probably cure it inside of a month or two, but of course, no health insurance means we can’t afford anything like that.

Sara’s health. Fuck. Stomach cramps end up putting her in the hospital for an hour and a half. Bloodwork inconclusive. So, here’s some morphine and you can go home now. Oh, but you owe us $3K. So then, it’s off to the naturopath. Sure, I’ll tell you what’s wrong. I just need to run every fucking test under the sun. Yup, there it is, you’re allergic to… EVERYTHING. You can have no wheat, no soy, no dairy, no eggs, no, no, NO… I said NO, MOTHERFUCKER! So, she’s miserable now, because she can’t eat anything at all. Oh, and between the tests, the blood work, the follow up tests, and the supplements… another $2-3K. So, we’re out $6K, still aren’t sure what all caused it, and she’s miserable and can’t ever eat anything she likes again. Awesome.

What else? My car broke down once, and I’m worried that it’s on it’s last legs. Don’t have the money to do anything about it. Paid off the credit card, and then instantly had as much on it as I had just paid off. Lose money every month.

Other than that, things are actually pretty good. Poker still running well. Got promoted to half-time (and now union) with the county. Things with Sara have been going well. (Or, I should clarify, I think they’ve been going as well as they ever have—but I have absolutely no clue if she feels the same). Started a new BDSM club, and am enjoying that very much. Also just got a foot in the door with the Portland BDSM scene, and hope to build a little bit of a presence up there. I’m reading more. I’ve lost weight, down under 200 for the first time since the big weight purge 7 years ago. Holding steady at 195. The animals are all healthy.

I know that I say this often, and haven’t followed through on it for a while now. But I do really intend to start writing more regularly. My goal is two blogs a week. I’d LOVE to do more than that, but if I can get two a week up (ideally one personal and one topical), I would feel a sense of accomplishment with this blog that I haven’t felt in a while. Thank you to anyone that is actually reading this. I love you all.

Just breathe, Rob. It will all get better eventually. I will figure it out. Just breathe.

What I learned, What I'm thankful for, and What I'd like to forget about 2012

Well, I’m a little late this year, but if I’m listening to Rush’s Different Stages Live, then I know it must be time to sit down and write my annual blog of the year that has come and gone.   2012, wow, you just kept throwing more shit my way all the way to the end.   But I’m still here, which is more than some can say.   This will be a sadder and more reserved recap than the past few have been, and you will understand that within the first few paragraphs.   I hope to at least get a few laughs in there as well, but it is harder this year.   Without further ado, here is What I learned, What I’m thankful for, and What I’d like to forget about 2012.

As always, I will start with the fact that I’m thankful to have friends that actually want to sit down and read this.   I’m flattered beyond words at the kindness that you show me, and the always wonderful comments that are posted.   I love all of you so much, you make my life worth living, and give me the strength, hope, laughter, friendship and love that I need to survive.   Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I will need you more in 2013 than ever before.  

Why?   Because the first thing I’d like to forget is the fact that my mom was diagnosed with stage-4 pancreatic cancer in December.   When I write this blog next year, there is little to no chance that she will still be with us.   I am devastated beyond words by this, and am really only functioning because I’ve gone into a state somewhere between denial and total stasis.   But eventually I’ll have to deal with it, and that is when I will need all of you.   I’d like to thank you all in advance for that.  

The other major thing that I’d like to forget is that I can no longer start this annual column the same way that I have started it every year since its inception.   I would like to forget that I can no longer say that Chance made it through another year.   She lost her long struggle back in April.   I am still crushed by her passing.   I still haven’t been able to bring myself to say my final goodbye to her, and am choked up merely thinking of her.  

I am thankful to have had 41 years with my mom in my life, and that I had 17 years with Chance.   No matter what else, I will cherish the memories.  

I’d like to forget that I hardly wrote anything at all in 2012.   My blog, letters and cards, nothing.   If it wasn’t for my monthly poker column, I wouldn’t have written a damn thing until my Dreaded Christmas Letter.  

I learned that motivation is very difficult to come by.   I’d like to forget that I learned that.  

I am thankful for the other 6 animals making it through the year, and filling my days and nights with so many happy memories.  

I am thankful to have had the opportunity to get back into coaching this year, after a year off.   I’ll have a couple of years off most likely before getting back into it for a long stretch when the son of the other person I coach with gets old enough to need a pitching coach.  

I’d like to forget that I had one of the most selfish, self-absorbed kids I’ve ever coached this year.   I’ve only coached two kids in 25 years that had more talent.   I’ve coached about 8,000 with better attitude, more work ethic, and more desire than that kid.   What an incredible waste of potential.  

I am thankful to have had the opportunity to coach one of the great performances by any pitcher I’ve ever worked with this year.   No hitter, 12 strikeouts, all but three outs either by strikeout or made by the pitcher.   Absolutely amazing.  

I learned that there are still a few online poker sites taking real money play.   I’d like to forget that they’re based in obscure foreign countries and that I can only play for micro-limits because I don’t trust my money in them anymore. 

I learned that even though I haven’t blogged all year, I still have a worldwide audience.   Biggest growth this year was from the U.K., however Russia still dominates outside of the U.S.   Sorry again, Comrades, I shall write more this year.   I promise. 

I learned that every year I sit down to write this column, and I have no idea what I’m going to say, but the words come.   I need to write more.   It soothes me, it nourishes my mind and soul, and it gives me hope. 

I’d like to forget that 2012 drained more hope from me than any other year outside of the disaster that was 2009.  

I learned that building a business by word of mouth is hard damn work.  

I’m thankful for everyone who helped spread the word on my cheesecake business over the past year. 

I’m extremely thankful for the people who ordered cheesecakes from me in the last year.   If you haven’t, why not?   I’m shipping nationwide now people, get on the bandwagon, and help me pay the mortgage.  

I’m thankful that even though it isn’t much, I do actually have a job now.   Thank you Lane County for taking pity on me and allowing me to work 10 hours a week or so. 

I’m thankful that we didn’t move to Utah, especially with how the year finished up.  

I learned that Sara and I cannot take vacations.   We finally took our first two vacations together this year.   The first one was an overnight to the coast.   We hit a deer and totaled the car before even leaving town.   The second one was to Vegas, and we came home to the news of my mom.   We’re afraid that if we leave the house together again, it’ll burn to the ground.  Separate vacations from here on out. 

I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this, but I’m really thankful for Rush.   This CD kicks ass.   If you want a copy, send me your address and I’ll mail you a copy.  

I’m thankful that the Rock’n’Roll Hall of Fame finally pulled their head out of their ass and elected Rush this year.  

I’d like to forget that it took them about a decade longer than it should have. 

I’m thankful for the art of Vladimir Kush.

Since I won’t ever be able to afford the art of Mr. Kush, I’m thankful for Sara getting me a calendar of his artwork this year.

Once again, I’m thankful for Paulo Coehlo.  

I’m so incredibly thankful for the year I had in poker.   11 of 12 final tables at AIPCO, and another Player of the Year award.   37 of 50 cashes at my Tuesday night game, and a runaway win in the Player of the Year award here.  

I learned that my success in poker must be inversely proportional to all the crap that fills my year.   The worse my year is, the better I do in poker.   Or at least, that’s my theory after the past few years.  

I’d like to forget that I only played golf twice all year.  

I’d like to forget that the reason I did that is because I don’t have money to play golf anymore.   Anyone who wants to buy me a round, I’m fun to play with, and promise at least a few shots a round that make you go “Holy Crap!”   (I’m not guaranteeing whether that’s from it being a memorably great shot, or an incredibly bad one). 

I’d like to forget that after Sara’s victory in 2011, this year the yard fought back and claimed victory for the year.  

I’m thankful that she hasn’t given up, and is looking to reclaim the title in 2013.  

I’m thankful for having had the opportunity to play some Frisbee golf with Dave and Ron this year.   It has been nice having the occasional reunion of the college roommates.  

I learned that the best new flavor of the year in cheesecakes was… Oreo.   Have never had such unanimous praise for a flavor. 

I learned that estate sales can be a really good source of cheap stuff, which when you’re living on little to no income, is a great thing.   $250 filing cabinet?   $12.   Brand new 5-disc DVD player?  $5.  

I learned how to coupon.   Not to the level of those extreme coupon idiots that buy 85 bottles of Tide just because they can get it for free.   But enough that we save 50-60% on average off of our bill.  

I learned that if you put a jar of Planters peanuts in front of me, it takes every ounce of willpower I have not to finish the jar off in about an hour.  

I’d like to forget how many jars of peanuts it took to learn that.  

I am so very thankful to Courtney for our hikes to local waterfalls.  

I learned there are some really amazing waterfalls within an hour of my house.

I’d like to forget the trip to the waterfall in the snow, getting her car stuck, and needing to have mountain man tow us out.   Actually, scratch that, I don’t want to forget.   Too funny for future memories.   I’m thankful for that one.  

I learned that the new high mark for my tiny galley kitchen is 18 courses for 25 people.  

I’m thankful for “smart” TV’s.   We had to replace our TV, which finally crapped out this year, and bought a new VIZIO set.   Amazing.   3D, Netflix built in, Internet built in, Pandora radio built in.   For under $600.   I remember paying almost $400 for a 13” color TV when I was in high school.   If only everything was going down in price as much as electronics are, life would be easy. 

I learned that cats like “forts” as much or more than kids do.   Want to entertain a cat for hours?   Cut off one side of a box and turn it upside down.   I guarantee within 30 seconds, the cat is in there, and isn’t coming out for hours.  

I’d like to forget that Ray Bradbury died last year. 

I’m thankful for the amount of joy Ray Bradbury brought to my life from childhood on.   Some of the most memorable books from my teen years.  

I’m thankful for Skyfall, which might be the best Bond film ever.  

I’d like to forget how hateful our society has become.   In the famous words of someone who used to be funny and now is just scary, “I don’t want to get off on a rant here…”  I purposely keep this blog free of politics, religion and most topics that light a firestorm like the gun control debate that’s going on right now.   I will not break that tradition here, because I love all of you, regardless of how crazy I think many of your ideas are.   If you want me to pick you apart in a debate in some other forum, I accept your challenge.   But here, I simply want to take a moment to yearn for the days when we could truly just agree to disagree, and go on with our lives as friends and colleagues.   I am simply sad when I see how much hatred and vitriol spew forth from everyone now.   Basically, everyone has the opinion that if you don’t agree with me, you’re an idiot.   It’s sad, and I really would like to forget that it has come to this. 

I’m thankful to have so many friends that are positive beacons in my life, and those of others.  

Speaking of the lives of others, I’m thankful to have finally had the opportunity to watch the movie “The Lives of Others”.   Great film, highly recommended.  

I’d like to forget that Michael Clarke Duncan died.   Bummer.

I’d like to forget that Lance Armstrong cheated.   I totally get it, everyone was doing it, you still deserved to win, because everyone was cheating.   I get it.   Really.   But you were so much bigger than the sport, you were a cultural icon and an inspiration to millions.   And no matter what else is said, in the end, you were a fraud.   It doesn’t matter if everyone else around you was a fraud also.   They weren’t inspiring anyone outside of their friends and family.   You had the world looking up to you.   And had you spurned that spotlight, that would still have been fine.   But you embraced it, you told everyone to pile on, and were so indignant when they accused you of anything.   Even your scene in Dodgeball isn’t funny anymore.   Dude.

I am still so thankful for Archer.   Funniest show ever.   Season 4 premiere Thursday the 17^th on FX.   Watch it, I promise you’ll laugh.  

I don’t have many new TV shows that I’m thankful for this year.   I usually have something to recommend to people, but honestly, the only new show I picked up this year is Arrow, and that’s a little fluffy to recommend here.  

I am thankful that Fox was kind enough to give a final half season to Fringe so that they could wrap it up properly.  

Oh, wait, I’m totally thankful for Into the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman.   Really cool science show, and you get to spend an hour listening to Morgan Freeman speak.  

I learned that the death knell for a burger joint here in town is for me to claim it’s the best burger in town.   2011, Off the Hook BBQ, out of business.   2012, Tom & Johnny’s, out of business.   I’m so sorry Little Big Burger, but you’ll be gone by the end of 2013, it’s my curse.  

I’m thankful for having had the opportunity to give out cheesecake samples on the First Friday Art Walk.   Thanks Gwynne and Kelly for giving me that opportunity.  

I’m thankful for the overabundance of people still willing to let me beat the crap out of them at Fetish Nights.   

I learned that Isis is quite possibly the neediest cat ever, but not in an annoying way.   She just really REALLY wants to snuggle, ALL THE TIME.  

I learned that a dog can actually eat a door.   Seriously, a dog can eat a door. 

I’d like to forget that I learned this only because we came home on New Years Eve to find that OUR dogs had eaten one of OUR doors.   Not cool, kids.  

I learned that Bally’s really isn’t all that terrible of a hotel if you need someplace cheap to stay on the strip in Vegas.  

I’m very thankful to own a hot tub.  

I’d like to forget how much said hot tub adds to my already outrageous electric bill every month.  

I’d like to forget that Three Forks Wok is gone.  

I’d like to forget how many of my Groupons I forgot about until they were expired and I lost out on the promotional value.  

I’m thankful for naps.   Truly makes the day so much more productive. 

I’m thankful for some actual competition in Words With Friends and Scrabble.   Thank you Matt Wakefield and Noah Kelley for actually beating me as often as I beat you, and making me a better player in the process.   

I learned that Franklin Pierce can basically be called both the George W. Bush of the democratic party, or the George W. Bush of his time.   Talk about someone who, every single time a major decision needed to be made, made the wrong choice.   Damn.  

I’m thankful that I have friends that allow me to make a reference to a 19^th century president in this blog, and actually keep reading.   You rock, folks.  

I’d like to forget that I’ve gone a couple of years now without buying any art.   I know I don’t have money, but still, it stings.  

I am thankful for another year in which I had no major illness or injury.  

I am thankful for the experience that was Carnevino.   I can only afford to do that about once every three or four years, but it was worth every penny. 

I learned how to feed the leopard geckos this year.   Not for the squeamish, especially the squealing when they crush the skull.  

I’d like to forget how epically bad my bowling team has been for the past year.  

I am thankful for all the new friends that I have made this year.  

I learned that the bacon and stress diet works wonders.   I ate all the bacon I wanted all year.   I didn’t work out.   I stressed as much as possible.   I dropped 15 pounds this year.   And lest you think that I was doing this at the cost of my blood pressure… I tested it this week and it was as low as it’s been in a couple of years.   Bacon and Stress people, it’s the new diet fad that’s sweeping the nation.   I’m at my college weight because of the BS diet.   

I’m thankful that the entire last paragraph is 100% true.  

I learned that despite my complete ineptitude around a set of tools, that I could actually repair my BBQ.   It was as fulfilling as when I replaced the garbage disposal 5 years ago.   That’s my quota, one household repair every 5 years. 

I’d like to forget how much soda I drank this year.  

I am thankful however that I drink about 4-5 liters of water a day.   Probably the only thing keeping my health even remotely good.  

I’m thankful for hugs.  

I learned how to make flyers with the little tabs at the bottom, and business cards with frequent buyer stamps on them.   I know, it’s lame, but hey, I learned it. 

I learned that when she’s lying on my stomach, Isis’ eyes are at the exact level of Kharma’s tail (yes, the same tail that is licensed as a weapon in 12 western states).  

Isis would like to forget all the eyedrops she had to take this year to help recover from repeated blows to her eyes from Kharma’s tail.  

I learned that Sara will never play TriBond with me again.   She got one turn, missed her question, I took my turn, got 27 questions in a row correct and won the game.   It was then boxed up and is not allowed to be referred to ever again.   She’ll play 80’s Trivial Pursuit with me before that game will ever see the light of day again. 

I learned that the St. Vincent De Paul outlet store is a great place for board games.   Most of them are about a buck or two.  Of course, I have a copy of TriBond that you can have for less.  

I learned that sometimes “totaling” your car actually works in your favor.  

I’m thankful that the deer I hit totaled my car without actually totaling it.  

I am thankful for all of you who sent out Christmas cards this year.   It is so nice to have real mail every once in a while.   I am going to do a better job of sending out some random cards this year.  

I am thankful for the beauty that I’m surrounded by in this part of the world.   I love being able to just get in my car and drive for an hour and be surrounded by amazingly beautiful scenery.   And to be able to do it on dozens of different roads, all of them different. 

But most of all, I am thankful for all of you.   Thank you for being this wonderful, rich and diverse collection of minds, bodies and souls that I call my friends.   Each and every one of you enriches my life every day.   I care about all of you, and my life is so much better because you are a part of it.   Big or small, near or far, you occupy a place in my life, and I appreciate you because of it.   I would not be here today if it weren’t for all of you.   I would not be the man I am if not for you.  

Thank you all for reading this again this year.   I am flattered that you have spent the last 10-20 minutes of your life reading something that I wrote.   I’ll keep doing it as long as you keep coming back for more.