So, first of all, I’ve come to the realization that I just can’t do these blogs as often as I’d like until I find a job. The news is too depressing, I’m too depressed, and despite the fact that writing does make me happier, I just lack the energy to do it on a consistent basis. That being said, I’ll do my best to at least keep them somewhat up to date, and post more regularly than I have this year. And when I do get a job, and my mental health back shortly thereafter, look out, because there is a LOT of things I’ve just been itching to write about.
This week started out very poorly on the job front. Got a call first thing Monday morning from 9-1-1, informing me that, yet again, I was being turned down for that job. This time, I wasn’t tactful enough in the interview. You have no idea how much I wanted to show them an utter lack of tact on that phone call. I managed not to even utter my famous “tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to be sarcastic” line, and simply thanked them and moved along. I still have a couple other 9-1-1 dispatch jobs in the pipeline, but I think I’m done with Eugene. It’s a great job, but I’m now 0-6 on dispatch jobs (Eugene-2, Springfield-3, and U of O-1), so I’m thinking for whatever reason, it just isn’t for me.
However, as far as the job search goes, despite the inauspicious beginning to the week, this has actually been a pretty good week. Two more interviews this week for jobs with DHS. I’m 0-4 with them on interviews so far, but hopefully the 5th or 6th time is a charm. The one today was my first “group” interview with them, and it truly showed me why I don’t have a job yet. I think I’m a highly attractive candidate when it comes to most jobs. I have a college degree, went to Law School, volunteer in the community and with kids, worked my last job for 16 years (only missing one day of work in that time), and am smart and well spoken. So, we do the interview, and each person gets a chance to give a little 5-minute presentation on why they want the job, and why they should be the one to get it.
So, lets look at my qualifications: College degree and some law school… The woman on my right starts out with, “I have a J.D. from Whittier Law School…” Are you fucking kidding me? The economy is so bad that an actual lawyer is applying for an entry level social service job?
Next up, my volunteer work with kids: Girl next to the lawyer, “After I got my degree in Psychology from the U of O, I worked in Americorps, then came home and ran a Big Brother/Big Sister program. I also founded a group to work with developmentally disabled children, and started a youth mentorship program for minority kids.”
Now, granted, there were a couple of loser candidates too, with the girl from Taco Bell and the guy from Best Buy, but I went in expecting to be one of the most qualified, and left thinking that I honestly was about the 4th best candidate out of the 10 in the room. And I don’t sell myself short. I’m pretty honest about my chances, both good and bad, in almost any situation. Seriously, a fucking lawyer. Wow. I now see why I can’t find work.
I have another interview with them tomorrow, this time a solo shot, but after today, I’m not feeling the most confident with my prospects.
However, the good news kept coming on the job front. First, the best news of all. After two years, I finally have my TSA interview scheduled at the airport. This was the first job I applied for after losing my job, and still the one I want more than anything else. If I get this gig, I seriously see myself working for Homeland Security in some capacity for the next 25 years.
My fear right now is that I wait all this time, and screw it up when I finally get my chance. I keep thinking of the scene in Princess Bride where Inigo Montoya finally chases down the six-fingered man, and gets stabbed in the chest. (I do realize that Inigo ends up recovering from that and killing the guy, but it’s the line the guy says just before that that runs through my head, “Have you been chasing me your whole life only to fail now?”) I think it would just about break me if I spent all this time trying to get into that job, only to fail at the last minute.
The interview is October 11th, wish me luck.
I also got moved along in the process with Royal Caribbean and with Lane County Sheriff this week, so it has been quite a good week. Once again though, none of this means much if I can’t actually get HIRED by one of these people. In the meantime, I just keep applying.
The LCS position was an interesting one. Do you remember the college admissions process? You send in your application, wait a few weeks, and if you get a BIG envelope in the mail, it’s GOOD NEWS!!! If you get the thin little one page envelope in the mail, it’s baaaaaad news. Well, pretty much the same thing in the employment world of today, except that good news comes in the form of a phone call, and bad news still comes in the form of a thin little envelope. I’ve gotten a LOT of those thin envelopes over the past two years. More than one of them with LCS. So I get a thin envelope from them on Wednesday, and think, “Great, yet another denial.” But amazingly enough, I open it up, and they sent a letter telling me that I was moving on in the process. Quite the pleasant surprise.
I don’t have a whole lot of other news to report. It’s all about job stuff, which bores the heck out of most of you I’m sure. But I wanted to keep you all informed about what’s been going on in that arena. Lots of interviews lately, lots of chances, lots of close calls, but no jobs yet. I’m down but hopeful. If the TSA gig comes through, this whole process will have been worth it.
Thank you all for being there for me. I promise to return the favor when I’m able.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Becoming a 99’er, Battling Depression, and Why I’m Voting Bachmann
So, last week, I became a 99’er. For those of you that are fortunate enough to have a job, and therefore not know what that means, it is the term for people who have been unemployed for so long (i.e. 99 weeks), that they are no longer able to collect unemployment. When you hear statistics bandied about like (14 million unemployed Americans), that’s really only about half of the people who are actually unemployed. The rest are people like me, who no longer “count” as unemployed because we aren’t collecting unemployment. You see, I just helped out the economic recovery of America last week. “Officially” there’s one less unemployed person in this country, because I’m not collecting anymore. Whew, I’m sure glad that I’m not unemployed anymore…er…wait a minute!
Saw two interesting stories this week. My mom was kind enough to pass along a story that she saw in the newspaper about how many companies are only filling their open spots with people who already have a job. Like it isn’t difficult enough for me to get a job battling the other 20,000 unemployed people in Lane County, now I need to REALLY worry about the people who already have a job. Great.
The other story was one that took the “raw numbers” and tried to put it into a little better context for the average person to be able to understand. Just taking the “official” number of unemployed Americans (which as we mentioned above is only about half of the people who are ACTUALLY unemployed), there are more people unemployed in this country than the total population of all but four states. There are twice as many unemployed people in this country than the total population of the country of Norway. There are literally dozens of COUNTRIES that have fewer people living in them than the U.S. has unemployed.
Of course, I realize that this is all my fault. If I really WANTED to get a job, I’d just get off my lazy ass and get one, right? I mean, just because I’m filling out 20 applications a week doesn’t mean anything. I should be filling out 40 a week, because the problem is that I’m just not trying hard enough. The fact that I’ve had close to 500 applications turned in doesn’t really play into it.
I really don’t know what is worse, the indignation from the people who can’t fathom being unemployed and therefore think that anyone who is unemployed is just lazy (or worse), or the pity from people who do understand what I’m going through. The whole process has truly broken so much of who I am. I battle depression every day now. The happy person that I have spent most of my adult life now has now morphed into the clown that cries on the inside. It takes all of my strength to put on a happy face for most of the world to see. To remain positive for people I don’t know, or only know in passing. It takes work now, where in the past my happiness just flowed from me. The more I think about it, the harder it is, and the more depressed I get. I have a good day now and again, but then I’ll sit down in front of the computer to attack the day’s applications, and just feel wiped out.
The hardest are the interviews. I’m 0-12 on interviews now. I have a couple more on the horizon, and hope that one of them will pan out. But it is so hard to get this close and then fall so agonizingly close. I remember years ago, I knew someone who was standing in line behind a guy who bought a winning lottery ticket. I remember thinking that it was almost cruel to be that close to something and still lose out. That’s kind of how I have felt after my interviews. I just miss, and think that I was sitting next to the person who actually got it, or that if I had answered just one question a little bit different than the next person, maybe it would be me getting the good phone call instead of the “bad” email.
I look at what is happening locally, and realize that it is only a microcosm of what is happening nationwide, and even globally. The system is broken, and isn’t going to be fixed. We’re jury-rigging the whole system over and over again, fixing the effects and not the cause. But we’re doing it in a way that benefits fewer and fewer people, and leaves more and more on the outside looking in. It’s the biggest pyramid scheme in the history of the world, and almost everyone is buying in. They just don’t realize that they’re buying in at the point that they’ll never see a return on their investment.
I cannot recommend the film Inside Job highly enough. Despite the fact that it is the single most depressing thing I have ever seen, and is the only time in my life that I actually have FELT a complete and utter loss of hope, it is a film that everyone should watch. It shows how the banking industry collapse came to be, and why it will happen again. But more than that, it shows how little it matters if a Democrat or a Republican being in office really matters. The same people are being appointed behind the scenes, and they’re the ones dictating policy and truly making the decisions that affect most of us on a daily basis.
If Reagan and Bush on the Rep’s side, and Clinton and Obama on the Dem’s side are trusting the same people, and those people are screwing us over, then where will it end? The people who can make a positive difference in Washington (I’m looking at you, Kucinich), can’t get elected because they don’t “look” Presidential. So I’ve decided to take a different tack. I have pledged my vote to either Michelle Bachmann or Sarah Palin if they can win the nomination of their party.
No, I haven’t gone crazy, and don’t think either of them will make a good President. I think they’ll be the biggest, most overwhelming failures in the history of the country. I think they’ll make ‘W’ look like Thomas Jefferson. But I’m hoping that they’ll screw it up so spectacularly that it will crash the whole system. Because that’s what it’s going to take.
People are stupid, scared, and afraid of anything different. Most of them wouldn’t know how to stand up for themselves if their lives depended on it. You can continue to shovel shit in front of them and tell them it’s all there is to eat, and they’ll keep guzzling it down. They are easily manipulated, and given the state of our educational system, they’re only becoming more so all the time. They need the system to crash entirely, and something new to spring up in its place before they’re going to be willing to change.
If people can have banks and corporations take away their jobs, their retirement funds, their homes and their livelihood, and STILL vote Republican because they’re afraid of gay marriage and they think someone’s coming for their guns, then they need to be given what they’re asking for. You want it? Okay, I’m willing to give it to you. My party isn’t willing to stand up for itself, so I’m giving your party my vote. But only if it’s one of the truly crazy ones. I’m not voting for Rick Perry or Mitt Romney. That would be like a Republican voting for John Kerry and expecting change. That’s way too “by the book” for me. They’ll only screw it up a little bit, and I can get that from Obama, without losing abortion rights and social issues along the way. If I want it screwed up a little bit, I’ll stick with my guy. But if you give me a chance to ride this glorious country down into a fiery heap of colossal failure, I’m going to jump on board and smile all the way down, just like this guy:
Bachmann in 2012!!!
Saw two interesting stories this week. My mom was kind enough to pass along a story that she saw in the newspaper about how many companies are only filling their open spots with people who already have a job. Like it isn’t difficult enough for me to get a job battling the other 20,000 unemployed people in Lane County, now I need to REALLY worry about the people who already have a job. Great.
The other story was one that took the “raw numbers” and tried to put it into a little better context for the average person to be able to understand. Just taking the “official” number of unemployed Americans (which as we mentioned above is only about half of the people who are ACTUALLY unemployed), there are more people unemployed in this country than the total population of all but four states. There are twice as many unemployed people in this country than the total population of the country of Norway. There are literally dozens of COUNTRIES that have fewer people living in them than the U.S. has unemployed.
Of course, I realize that this is all my fault. If I really WANTED to get a job, I’d just get off my lazy ass and get one, right? I mean, just because I’m filling out 20 applications a week doesn’t mean anything. I should be filling out 40 a week, because the problem is that I’m just not trying hard enough. The fact that I’ve had close to 500 applications turned in doesn’t really play into it.
I really don’t know what is worse, the indignation from the people who can’t fathom being unemployed and therefore think that anyone who is unemployed is just lazy (or worse), or the pity from people who do understand what I’m going through. The whole process has truly broken so much of who I am. I battle depression every day now. The happy person that I have spent most of my adult life now has now morphed into the clown that cries on the inside. It takes all of my strength to put on a happy face for most of the world to see. To remain positive for people I don’t know, or only know in passing. It takes work now, where in the past my happiness just flowed from me. The more I think about it, the harder it is, and the more depressed I get. I have a good day now and again, but then I’ll sit down in front of the computer to attack the day’s applications, and just feel wiped out.
The hardest are the interviews. I’m 0-12 on interviews now. I have a couple more on the horizon, and hope that one of them will pan out. But it is so hard to get this close and then fall so agonizingly close. I remember years ago, I knew someone who was standing in line behind a guy who bought a winning lottery ticket. I remember thinking that it was almost cruel to be that close to something and still lose out. That’s kind of how I have felt after my interviews. I just miss, and think that I was sitting next to the person who actually got it, or that if I had answered just one question a little bit different than the next person, maybe it would be me getting the good phone call instead of the “bad” email.
I look at what is happening locally, and realize that it is only a microcosm of what is happening nationwide, and even globally. The system is broken, and isn’t going to be fixed. We’re jury-rigging the whole system over and over again, fixing the effects and not the cause. But we’re doing it in a way that benefits fewer and fewer people, and leaves more and more on the outside looking in. It’s the biggest pyramid scheme in the history of the world, and almost everyone is buying in. They just don’t realize that they’re buying in at the point that they’ll never see a return on their investment.
I cannot recommend the film Inside Job highly enough. Despite the fact that it is the single most depressing thing I have ever seen, and is the only time in my life that I actually have FELT a complete and utter loss of hope, it is a film that everyone should watch. It shows how the banking industry collapse came to be, and why it will happen again. But more than that, it shows how little it matters if a Democrat or a Republican being in office really matters. The same people are being appointed behind the scenes, and they’re the ones dictating policy and truly making the decisions that affect most of us on a daily basis.
If Reagan and Bush on the Rep’s side, and Clinton and Obama on the Dem’s side are trusting the same people, and those people are screwing us over, then where will it end? The people who can make a positive difference in Washington (I’m looking at you, Kucinich), can’t get elected because they don’t “look” Presidential. So I’ve decided to take a different tack. I have pledged my vote to either Michelle Bachmann or Sarah Palin if they can win the nomination of their party.
No, I haven’t gone crazy, and don’t think either of them will make a good President. I think they’ll be the biggest, most overwhelming failures in the history of the country. I think they’ll make ‘W’ look like Thomas Jefferson. But I’m hoping that they’ll screw it up so spectacularly that it will crash the whole system. Because that’s what it’s going to take.
People are stupid, scared, and afraid of anything different. Most of them wouldn’t know how to stand up for themselves if their lives depended on it. You can continue to shovel shit in front of them and tell them it’s all there is to eat, and they’ll keep guzzling it down. They are easily manipulated, and given the state of our educational system, they’re only becoming more so all the time. They need the system to crash entirely, and something new to spring up in its place before they’re going to be willing to change.
If people can have banks and corporations take away their jobs, their retirement funds, their homes and their livelihood, and STILL vote Republican because they’re afraid of gay marriage and they think someone’s coming for their guns, then they need to be given what they’re asking for. You want it? Okay, I’m willing to give it to you. My party isn’t willing to stand up for itself, so I’m giving your party my vote. But only if it’s one of the truly crazy ones. I’m not voting for Rick Perry or Mitt Romney. That would be like a Republican voting for John Kerry and expecting change. That’s way too “by the book” for me. They’ll only screw it up a little bit, and I can get that from Obama, without losing abortion rights and social issues along the way. If I want it screwed up a little bit, I’ll stick with my guy. But if you give me a chance to ride this glorious country down into a fiery heap of colossal failure, I’m going to jump on board and smile all the way down, just like this guy:
Bachmann in 2012!!!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Screaming out loud
Why do we sabotage ourselves? Why is there that unrelenting urge to pop the balloon if it flies too high? I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the past few months. You see, for me, this blog is therapeutic. Writing is therapeutic. I don’t know how many people read this blog, not many. Fewer still are coming here because they actually know me and want to read what I have to say. So, really, the only person I’m writing for is me. And I know it’s good for me, I know it does so much to help me cope and deal with the things in my life that I bottle up because that’s who I am. So when I want to sabotage my own therapy, I keep myself from writing. I tell myself that I’m too busy, or it’s too late, or any of a dozen excuses to keep myself from doing what I need to do.
I’ve needed to be here for a while now. So much stress it is eating me alive. I’ve got 14 weeks left of unemployment. I’ve now gone 0-9 on job interviews, the latest one coming this past week. I hate sitting down at a table, knowing I’m the smartest person on either side of the table, knowing that in six months I could be doing their jobs better than they do them, and yet not getting the job. It throws me into a funk like nothing else, and I had a shitty weekend because of it.
I’m really glad that I’ve got some positives in my life. Poker has been going extremely well this whole year. I’ve cashed in over half of the tournaments I’ve played in, and haven’t finished worse than 4th at an AIPCO event yet this year. My personal life is solid, Sara is wonderful and treats me better than I deserve. I am surrounded by great friends. The cheesecakes have been selling well, and I even landed a catering gig last month.
But I realize also just how much I need to have a real job. It’s simply gotten to the point that I don’t think I will be able to relax until I have one. And until I can relax, I won’t be able to find any lasting happiness. I have these fleeting moments, where I lose the stress for an hour, a day, maybe even a week. But in the end, I find myself listless and drifting. Depressed about the state of my life, my career, my ability to define who I will be for the next few decades. I can make no plans because I don’t know when/if I’ll have the money to carry them out. It wears on me every day, and grinds me down.
So, all that being said, I should be doing everything that I can to minimize that stress, and allow myself the tools that I need to maintain mental and physical stability. Such as writing this blog. But I don’t. Even now, as I’m writing this, it is a struggle to get it down the page. My mind just keeps telling me to scrap it all, and try again tomorrow. But I need to excise these demons that keep me from doing this more often.
There’s a line in a song that I love, “If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to, and I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd, cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud”. That’s how I feel right now. These thoughts are eating me alive, and if I don’t start writing more often, they’re going to drag me down to a point of no return. So, though this is a struggle to get through, I will continue to do so.
Because in the end, I really do want to find peace of mind. I don’t know where I’ll find it, and I don’t know how I’ll find it, and I don’t know when I’ll find it…
But I do know that I’ll find it eventually.
I’ve needed to be here for a while now. So much stress it is eating me alive. I’ve got 14 weeks left of unemployment. I’ve now gone 0-9 on job interviews, the latest one coming this past week. I hate sitting down at a table, knowing I’m the smartest person on either side of the table, knowing that in six months I could be doing their jobs better than they do them, and yet not getting the job. It throws me into a funk like nothing else, and I had a shitty weekend because of it.
I’m really glad that I’ve got some positives in my life. Poker has been going extremely well this whole year. I’ve cashed in over half of the tournaments I’ve played in, and haven’t finished worse than 4th at an AIPCO event yet this year. My personal life is solid, Sara is wonderful and treats me better than I deserve. I am surrounded by great friends. The cheesecakes have been selling well, and I even landed a catering gig last month.
But I realize also just how much I need to have a real job. It’s simply gotten to the point that I don’t think I will be able to relax until I have one. And until I can relax, I won’t be able to find any lasting happiness. I have these fleeting moments, where I lose the stress for an hour, a day, maybe even a week. But in the end, I find myself listless and drifting. Depressed about the state of my life, my career, my ability to define who I will be for the next few decades. I can make no plans because I don’t know when/if I’ll have the money to carry them out. It wears on me every day, and grinds me down.
So, all that being said, I should be doing everything that I can to minimize that stress, and allow myself the tools that I need to maintain mental and physical stability. Such as writing this blog. But I don’t. Even now, as I’m writing this, it is a struggle to get it down the page. My mind just keeps telling me to scrap it all, and try again tomorrow. But I need to excise these demons that keep me from doing this more often.
There’s a line in a song that I love, “If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to, and I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd, cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud”. That’s how I feel right now. These thoughts are eating me alive, and if I don’t start writing more often, they’re going to drag me down to a point of no return. So, though this is a struggle to get through, I will continue to do so.
Because in the end, I really do want to find peace of mind. I don’t know where I’ll find it, and I don’t know how I’ll find it, and I don’t know when I’ll find it…
But I do know that I’ll find it eventually.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
To Picture My Life, You Need A Higher Resolution
Was out of commission for a week or so there, battling whatever illness is making the rounds currently. Being sick always makes me look on the things in my life that I take for granted in a new light. Health, obviously, as I'm sure is the case with most people. More than that though, it's the secondary things that are created by good health. Freedom. Freedom of movement, freedom to do whatever you feel like doing at any given time, freedom to sleep or eat or exercise when and how you want. So many things are taken for granted on a daily basis. We might be lazy bums, sitting around the house doing nothing, but we are CHOOSING to be lazy bums sitting around doing nothing. Until we're sick. Then all of a sudden, the choice is no longer ours, and like the teenager whose parents tell him that he can't do something, immediately that's the only thing that he wants to do.
I think I gained more out of this temporary illness than I expected though. If you read through my blogs from the past few months, you can tell that I had been in a pretty dark place towards the end of the year. I was letting too many things get to me, drag me down, and I was not fighting back with the happiness that I shield myself with. It is rare that I let that depression pierce me, and much rarer still that I allow it to fester. I started to snap out of it after the holidays were over, but it wasn't until this past week that I truly felt the burden of it leave me.
I had bargained with it, tried to trick it away, conned myself into believing that it was gone, but it was still there. Do you know that feeling, the first day you REALLY feel healthy after being sick. It's like the whole world has opened itself up to you. The clarity with which you see the world on that day is unlike anything else. You're a high def person living in an analog world, if only for a day. That's how my consciousness felt this weekend. There was nothing in particular that triggered it, but the burden that I'd been carrying around for the past few months was just gone. I had pushed it into the corner, thrown a blanket over it, and decorated it with flowers for the past month, but I hadn't really removed it. Until now.
I walked down to the store on the corner this afternoon, and I had the urge to pump my fists in the air like Rocky on the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum.
Not much had changed. I'm still unemployed with no real leads on the horizon. Still can't get sick, because I have no insurance. Still using the don't break down car plan. But all of a sudden, it just feels okay.
To be sure, it was a good weekend. I took 4th at AIPCO, for $400 or so. I got another order for desserts at the restaurant. I had the grand idea of selling off my excess desserts on facebook, and it worked quite well, with all but one selling. That will dramatically increase my profit margin on desserts in the future. The weather was beautiful. Yeah, it was a good weekend. But there have been plenty of good weeks and weekends in the past few months, and none of them have had this type of transformative effect on me. I cannot say what it was, but I'm happy to have experienced it.
Last night, I got about 90 minutes of sleep for the night. The switch flipped the day before, and I think my mind just couldn't turn off because of the positive energy that was flowing through me for the first time in months. I took Benadryl, I read for two hours, I played games on my phone, eventually, I just stared at the ceiling until almost 7am. Then was awake by 9, and was wide awake. So I went with it, and the day was fabulous from start to finish.
A quote from a song that I've been listening to a lot recently: "Does anyone feel like how I feel? Then you can relate to this."
My hope is that everyone out there, friend and foe, can feel the way that I feel right this moment.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
God Hates Fags
I had originally planned on avoiding the whole topic of the Arizona shootings. I wrote a blog last year about “The Politics of Hatred”, and didn’t really feel like rehashing the same things again. (Granted, I could probably write about it every week for a year, and not run out of things to say on that topic). But then I read about the Westboro Baptist Church, and their plans to protest at the funeral of 9-year old Christina Greene, the young girl killed in the shootings, as well as implying that she’ll be going to Hell. Well, how could I resist blogging about it now? Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) is most famously known for having the wonderfully colorful slogan “God Hates Fags”, which is their web address as well. They’ve been spouting vitriol and hatred around the country for years.
I got an email from a friend of mine a few weeks ago. She’s very much anti-organized religion, and feels as though it is responsible for where the world is today. I respectfully disagreed, saying that while I think that religion as a whole shaped much of the world prior to the start of the 20th century, through a combination of exploration/expansion (much of which was spurred by religious conviction) and pre-20th century wars (many of which were brought about by religion), overall, I think religion has lost much of its influence over world affairs. I argued that its influence has been largely muted by a combination of Nationalism, the rise of corporate power, the globalization of the economy, the rise in communication via technology, and the widening of economic disparity between the upper 1% of the wealth in the world and the decline of the middle class.
For 95-99% of the people involved in “organized” religion, this loss of influence means absolutely nothing. They still go to church, and have their own dialogue with whatever God or gods they choose to worship. The problem lies in that small percentage of people who are the ones who had power and influence, and have now lost much of it. They have compensated for the loss of influence by becoming more extreme in their message. The problem is that these whack-jobs have become the “voice” of their respective religions. Most Muslim people are extremely kind, and despise the violence that has been purported to be representative of their religion as a whole by the extremists that have carried out that violence. Most Muslims are appalled by the actions of those extremists. Just as most Christians are appalled by the actions of the WBC. The problem is that extremism makes for good media coverage, and thereby throws fuel on the fire.
The extremists from every religion in the world are not the people that should be determining policy, but they seem to be more and more. The same problem is presented in politics. We are, as a country, very centrist. For the most part, people want to pull together, not apart. Left and right, we are not that far apart on the issues. I’m about as Left as one can get. I make Bill Maher look conservative. But I know that I’m an outlier, not one of the masses. The masses all fall pretty close to the center line, just a little bit to the left or the right, depending on economics/upbringing/location. But even though a VAST majority of the people fall within that center range, they aren’t the ones setting policy. More and more, it has become who can yell the loudest. Who can force the other party into some compromising position, rather than getting there through actual compromise. What’s mine is mine, and yours is mine. I’m sorry, but compromise does not mean abandoning my position in favor of yours.
So we’re stuck with extremists spouting off their positions. We’re stuck with Sarah Palin putting up a gun-sight target on Gabrielle Giffords, and some whack job taking it literally, and killing a 9-year old girl in the process. And then the REAL whack jobs saying that it’s a sign from God and that the little girl is going to Hell, and they need to protest her funeral to get the point across. And people wonder why I no longer want to have kids. Why would I want to bring a child into a world that has gone this mad?
I only hope that at some point in my life, we will see a shift away from hatred. Because right now, it is only getting worse. I don’t believe in your God, WBC, because if there IS a God out there somewhere, and he is the type of God that hates fags and sends 9-year old girls to Hell, then I’d rather BE in Hell.
I got an email from a friend of mine a few weeks ago. She’s very much anti-organized religion, and feels as though it is responsible for where the world is today. I respectfully disagreed, saying that while I think that religion as a whole shaped much of the world prior to the start of the 20th century, through a combination of exploration/expansion (much of which was spurred by religious conviction) and pre-20th century wars (many of which were brought about by religion), overall, I think religion has lost much of its influence over world affairs. I argued that its influence has been largely muted by a combination of Nationalism, the rise of corporate power, the globalization of the economy, the rise in communication via technology, and the widening of economic disparity between the upper 1% of the wealth in the world and the decline of the middle class.
For 95-99% of the people involved in “organized” religion, this loss of influence means absolutely nothing. They still go to church, and have their own dialogue with whatever God or gods they choose to worship. The problem lies in that small percentage of people who are the ones who had power and influence, and have now lost much of it. They have compensated for the loss of influence by becoming more extreme in their message. The problem is that these whack-jobs have become the “voice” of their respective religions. Most Muslim people are extremely kind, and despise the violence that has been purported to be representative of their religion as a whole by the extremists that have carried out that violence. Most Muslims are appalled by the actions of those extremists. Just as most Christians are appalled by the actions of the WBC. The problem is that extremism makes for good media coverage, and thereby throws fuel on the fire.
The extremists from every religion in the world are not the people that should be determining policy, but they seem to be more and more. The same problem is presented in politics. We are, as a country, very centrist. For the most part, people want to pull together, not apart. Left and right, we are not that far apart on the issues. I’m about as Left as one can get. I make Bill Maher look conservative. But I know that I’m an outlier, not one of the masses. The masses all fall pretty close to the center line, just a little bit to the left or the right, depending on economics/upbringing/location. But even though a VAST majority of the people fall within that center range, they aren’t the ones setting policy. More and more, it has become who can yell the loudest. Who can force the other party into some compromising position, rather than getting there through actual compromise. What’s mine is mine, and yours is mine. I’m sorry, but compromise does not mean abandoning my position in favor of yours.
So we’re stuck with extremists spouting off their positions. We’re stuck with Sarah Palin putting up a gun-sight target on Gabrielle Giffords, and some whack job taking it literally, and killing a 9-year old girl in the process. And then the REAL whack jobs saying that it’s a sign from God and that the little girl is going to Hell, and they need to protest her funeral to get the point across. And people wonder why I no longer want to have kids. Why would I want to bring a child into a world that has gone this mad?
I only hope that at some point in my life, we will see a shift away from hatred. Because right now, it is only getting worse. I don’t believe in your God, WBC, because if there IS a God out there somewhere, and he is the type of God that hates fags and sends 9-year old girls to Hell, then I’d rather BE in Hell.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
What I learned... The 2010 version
Yes, it is time again to reflect upon the year that was. 2010 wasn’t the greatest of years, but as I sit down to write about it, all I can think is that for all it’s faults, it sure beat 2009.
As always, I will start by saying that I am thankful more than anything for the friends that I have. Not a day goes by that I don’t feel truly blessed to have all of you in my life. When I sit down to write something like this, I am almost overwhelmed with emotion simply by thinking of how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. You are all so kind, and if I have absolutely nothing else in my life, I would feel as though I were still the luckiest person I know because of you. Thank you all.
I learned that there truly can be a baseball team bad enough that even Arbo and I can’t coach it into a winner.
I am thankful to have gotten back into coaching this year, but would like to forget the 2010 season. Specifically the things that made my head just want to explode, like Austin referring to his game winning run as “Coach, I made a point!” and Dylan forgetting that he put up his glove to block a line drive coming at his head just in time to drop his glove and get hit in the face. Ugh.
I learned that, “Ugh” is the new “shit”. It can mean 50 different things, and express at least that many kinds of frustration.
I learned that the Eugene public library has a pretty amazing selection of CDs, and that coupled with iTunes, it makes an already impressive CD collection truly mammoth.
I’m thankful to have had the opportunity to discover a TON of new music this year. Between random CDs checked out at the library, Pandora internet radio, and the Shazam app for my iPhone, I’ve found all kinds of stuff that is amazing to listen to.
I’m thankful for my iPhone, which finally catapulted me into the new millennium with the ability to text.
I’d like to forget the fact that I have now been unemployed for 16 months. I’d also like to forget the near misses that I had in the last year, having gone 0-7 in interviews. Especially the one as the assistant equipment manager for the U of O baseball team that would have been a pretty sweet job for a baseball guy like me.
I’d like to thank Emilee for introducing me to the wonderful sandwiches at Jimmy John’s.
I’m thankful for the way things broke for me in poker this year. I cashed in over 50% of my weekly tournaments (an insanely high number), and also cashed three times at AIPCO. I had one streak in my weekly game where I cashed 11 weeks in a row, a record that is on par with DiMaggio’s hitting streak. I still can’t believe it as I look back on it.
I learned again this year that Tony is STILL unbeatable in the year end tournament at “The Rob”. Four years and counting, Sir. Congrats again.
I learned that if you manage it just right, you can have fresh pomegranate year round. They will keep in the fridge for nearly 7 months, and you can then freeze the arils, and they’ll keep for another 6 months. I think I missed my window this year, but starting next year, it’s pomegranate year round for me.
I’m thankful for finally having the opportunity to get my desserts into the restaurant down the street from my house. Hopefully they will sell well enough that I’ll be able to use that as a stepping stone to getting them into many places in town.
I learned that Mafia Wars was too much of a time suck for me to handle, and am thankful to have walked away from it this year. Now I can concentrate on much more important things on facebook, like Scrabble, Wheel of Fortune and CBS Franchise Football.
I learned that my blog is greatly followed in Japan. I don’t exactly know how it happened, but when I look up the statistics for where my readers are logging in from, Japan gives me a large chunk of my readership. I am thankful for this, even as I am confused by it.
Much like last year, I am thankful to have a hot tub.
I learned that growing your own herbs is quite a bit more expensive and time consuming than buying them at the store. But I also learned that they taste pretty amazing, and that it really is more about the process than the product.
I'm thankful for summer BBQ's with Cecelia and friends.
I learned that George R.R. Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire books are pretty amazing reads. I’m thankful to HBO to making such a big production out of them, which got me to read them in preparation of it.
I’m thankful for all the new friends that I made this year, and the old ones that I reconnected with.
I’m thankful to have had an opportunity to see Kevin for the first time in many years this summer when he was out here on business.
I’d like to forget the excruciating experience of listening to bad karaoke simply to be able to hear Mandi sing a song. You sounded great Mandi. At least what I could hear after jabbing my eardrums out with a steak knife before you got up there.
I am thankful for Bitchin’ Kitchen on Cooking Channel. I didn’t know that I would like it, but that girl is so much fun.
I learned that Robert Harrison should be working for NASA. Punch in “Robert Harrison Icarus Project” in your Google search bar. Who knew $750 could get you better space photos than $450 million could?
I'm thankful to Ruthie for being kind enough to kick in FAR more than her share for the year end party at "The Rob", allowing me to do a 17 course meal for everyone.
I’m thankful for the status updates between Kate and David, which remind me (and everyone else on their friends list) just how amazing love can be.
I learned that the world’s phosphorous reserves are nearing their peak in the next decade or so. I’d like to forget what that means, but unfortunately can’t. Less phosphorous=Less fertilizer=Less food. Well, at least the world population isn’t going up… D’oh!
I’m thankful for AMC putting out some great television this year, as Breaking Bad was amazing, and The Walking Dead looks like a keeper. But I’d like to forget that you cancelled Rubicon after only one season, bastards.
I learned how to make a bunch of new cheesecake flavors this year, and hope for more next year. Let’s hear it for White Chocolate Macadamia Nut, Rosewater, Kalamata Fig, Green Tea, Turkish Apricot and Mandarin Orange cheesecakes. Next year I’ll REALLY experiment.
I’d like to forget about Faroukanstandiadad or whatever his name was from Northern Iowa who sank the bracket of half the country when he single-handedly beat Kansas. Bitter, table for one…
I’d like to forget that Powell’s books no longer holds the allure for me that it once did. I’d like to have it still be something that I went out of my way to do. When I was in college, I’d go up there, and a $25 book could be found for $10-12. Now it’s $18-19. There’s no incentive, other than to find titles that I can look for somewhere else at a better price. I miss the days when I’d go in there with Dave, armed with his sister’s employee discount card, and walk out with two bags of first edition hardcovers for under $100.
I am SOOOO thankful for Archer on FX. If you’re not watching it, you need to be. Netflix season one RIGHT NOW. Then tune in January 27th for the premiere of season 2. Funniest show on television.
I learned that Canada might want to do a test run on the centerpiece of their torch-lighting before having it malfunction in the middle of the opening ceremony. Well, at least no one was watching… D’oh!
I learned that the guy who hired Pat Garrett to track and kill Billy The Kid was the same person who wrote Ben Hur.
I also learned that the person who ended up killing Pat Garrett fled to South America and was killed… by Butch Cassidy.
I learned that greeting cards for no reason whatsoever hold so much more meaning than ones for a specific day or holiday.
I am thankful that Chance made it through another year. You just keep going, kitty.
I learned that the crappy 80’s movie Against All Odds was actually a remake of an INCREDIBLE movie from the 40’s with a very young Robert Mitchum and Kirk Douglas. Highly recommended.
Finally, I am thankful once again to any of you who actually took the time to read all of this. I know that you can choose to spend your time doing a variety of different things, and that you would spend it reading my ramblings means more to me than you know.
As always, I will start by saying that I am thankful more than anything for the friends that I have. Not a day goes by that I don’t feel truly blessed to have all of you in my life. When I sit down to write something like this, I am almost overwhelmed with emotion simply by thinking of how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. You are all so kind, and if I have absolutely nothing else in my life, I would feel as though I were still the luckiest person I know because of you. Thank you all.
I learned that there truly can be a baseball team bad enough that even Arbo and I can’t coach it into a winner.
I am thankful to have gotten back into coaching this year, but would like to forget the 2010 season. Specifically the things that made my head just want to explode, like Austin referring to his game winning run as “Coach, I made a point!” and Dylan forgetting that he put up his glove to block a line drive coming at his head just in time to drop his glove and get hit in the face. Ugh.
I learned that, “Ugh” is the new “shit”. It can mean 50 different things, and express at least that many kinds of frustration.
I learned that the Eugene public library has a pretty amazing selection of CDs, and that coupled with iTunes, it makes an already impressive CD collection truly mammoth.
I’m thankful to have had the opportunity to discover a TON of new music this year. Between random CDs checked out at the library, Pandora internet radio, and the Shazam app for my iPhone, I’ve found all kinds of stuff that is amazing to listen to.
I’m thankful for my iPhone, which finally catapulted me into the new millennium with the ability to text.
I’d like to forget the fact that I have now been unemployed for 16 months. I’d also like to forget the near misses that I had in the last year, having gone 0-7 in interviews. Especially the one as the assistant equipment manager for the U of O baseball team that would have been a pretty sweet job for a baseball guy like me.
I’d like to thank Emilee for introducing me to the wonderful sandwiches at Jimmy John’s.
I’m thankful for the way things broke for me in poker this year. I cashed in over 50% of my weekly tournaments (an insanely high number), and also cashed three times at AIPCO. I had one streak in my weekly game where I cashed 11 weeks in a row, a record that is on par with DiMaggio’s hitting streak. I still can’t believe it as I look back on it.
I learned again this year that Tony is STILL unbeatable in the year end tournament at “The Rob”. Four years and counting, Sir. Congrats again.
I learned that if you manage it just right, you can have fresh pomegranate year round. They will keep in the fridge for nearly 7 months, and you can then freeze the arils, and they’ll keep for another 6 months. I think I missed my window this year, but starting next year, it’s pomegranate year round for me.
I’m thankful for finally having the opportunity to get my desserts into the restaurant down the street from my house. Hopefully they will sell well enough that I’ll be able to use that as a stepping stone to getting them into many places in town.
I learned that Mafia Wars was too much of a time suck for me to handle, and am thankful to have walked away from it this year. Now I can concentrate on much more important things on facebook, like Scrabble, Wheel of Fortune and CBS Franchise Football.
I learned that my blog is greatly followed in Japan. I don’t exactly know how it happened, but when I look up the statistics for where my readers are logging in from, Japan gives me a large chunk of my readership. I am thankful for this, even as I am confused by it.
Much like last year, I am thankful to have a hot tub.
I learned that growing your own herbs is quite a bit more expensive and time consuming than buying them at the store. But I also learned that they taste pretty amazing, and that it really is more about the process than the product.
I'm thankful for summer BBQ's with Cecelia and friends.
I learned that George R.R. Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire books are pretty amazing reads. I’m thankful to HBO to making such a big production out of them, which got me to read them in preparation of it.
I’m thankful for all the new friends that I made this year, and the old ones that I reconnected with.
I’m thankful to have had an opportunity to see Kevin for the first time in many years this summer when he was out here on business.
I’d like to forget the excruciating experience of listening to bad karaoke simply to be able to hear Mandi sing a song. You sounded great Mandi. At least what I could hear after jabbing my eardrums out with a steak knife before you got up there.
I am thankful for Bitchin’ Kitchen on Cooking Channel. I didn’t know that I would like it, but that girl is so much fun.
I learned that Robert Harrison should be working for NASA. Punch in “Robert Harrison Icarus Project” in your Google search bar. Who knew $750 could get you better space photos than $450 million could?
I'm thankful to Ruthie for being kind enough to kick in FAR more than her share for the year end party at "The Rob", allowing me to do a 17 course meal for everyone.
I’m thankful for the status updates between Kate and David, which remind me (and everyone else on their friends list) just how amazing love can be.
I learned that the world’s phosphorous reserves are nearing their peak in the next decade or so. I’d like to forget what that means, but unfortunately can’t. Less phosphorous=Less fertilizer=Less food. Well, at least the world population isn’t going up… D’oh!
I’m thankful for AMC putting out some great television this year, as Breaking Bad was amazing, and The Walking Dead looks like a keeper. But I’d like to forget that you cancelled Rubicon after only one season, bastards.
I learned how to make a bunch of new cheesecake flavors this year, and hope for more next year. Let’s hear it for White Chocolate Macadamia Nut, Rosewater, Kalamata Fig, Green Tea, Turkish Apricot and Mandarin Orange cheesecakes. Next year I’ll REALLY experiment.
I’d like to forget about Faroukanstandiadad or whatever his name was from Northern Iowa who sank the bracket of half the country when he single-handedly beat Kansas. Bitter, table for one…
I’d like to forget that Powell’s books no longer holds the allure for me that it once did. I’d like to have it still be something that I went out of my way to do. When I was in college, I’d go up there, and a $25 book could be found for $10-12. Now it’s $18-19. There’s no incentive, other than to find titles that I can look for somewhere else at a better price. I miss the days when I’d go in there with Dave, armed with his sister’s employee discount card, and walk out with two bags of first edition hardcovers for under $100.
I am SOOOO thankful for Archer on FX. If you’re not watching it, you need to be. Netflix season one RIGHT NOW. Then tune in January 27th for the premiere of season 2. Funniest show on television.
I learned that Canada might want to do a test run on the centerpiece of their torch-lighting before having it malfunction in the middle of the opening ceremony. Well, at least no one was watching… D’oh!
I learned that the guy who hired Pat Garrett to track and kill Billy The Kid was the same person who wrote Ben Hur.
I also learned that the person who ended up killing Pat Garrett fled to South America and was killed… by Butch Cassidy.
I learned that greeting cards for no reason whatsoever hold so much more meaning than ones for a specific day or holiday.
I am thankful that Chance made it through another year. You just keep going, kitty.
I learned that the crappy 80’s movie Against All Odds was actually a remake of an INCREDIBLE movie from the 40’s with a very young Robert Mitchum and Kirk Douglas. Highly recommended.
Finally, I am thankful once again to any of you who actually took the time to read all of this. I know that you can choose to spend your time doing a variety of different things, and that you would spend it reading my ramblings means more to me than you know.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Years Resolution...
So, I don't bother much with New Year's Resolutions, because I'm realistic enough to know that most of them will fall by the wayside. So, I won't be using my gym membership more (yes, amazingly enough I do have one), and I won't be eating better (thank you Jack In The Box for a great breakfast this morning). I won't be doing more projects around the house or anything of that nature. No, I kept my New Year's Resolutions rather short and sweet this year: Get a job. Write more.
Hopefully the first one will come through soon enough. But the second one I can definitely start working on right away. I can't promise that I'll have great blog posts all the time, but I will endeavor to post more often, even if they are short, as this one will be.
I just wanted to throw that out there, and then put in a little joke that was sent to me, as well as my rebuttal to it. No matter which side of the political aisle you're on, you can enjoy one side or the other.
Happy New Year my loyal readers (all two or three of you). I'm feeling like 1/1/11 is all about the renewal.
----------------------------------
To My Democrat Friends:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011 but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.
To My Republican Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Have a blessed Christmas!
---------My Rebuttal-----------------------
To my progressive liberal friends around the world: No matter what holiday you celebrate during this season, we wish you and your family well.
To my conservative friends around the world: Merry Christmas. Because of course, Christmas is the only holiday worth celebrating, and if you're not with us, you're against us. Christmas is the holiday of NASCAR, the NRA, and the American Family Association, which so clearly represent the best interests of the world as a whole. I mean, surely those billions of people around the world who don't celebrate it just haven't opened their hearts to Jesus. Also, to the gays, blacks and other people who are impinging on our holiday, don't you have Kwanzaa or some "gay" holiday that you can celebrate instead? I mean, Christmas is a time for the children of Jesus to celebrate, and that ain't you folks. So crack open a Bud Light to toast the new year my friends, ours is the enlightened path!
Hopefully the first one will come through soon enough. But the second one I can definitely start working on right away. I can't promise that I'll have great blog posts all the time, but I will endeavor to post more often, even if they are short, as this one will be.
I just wanted to throw that out there, and then put in a little joke that was sent to me, as well as my rebuttal to it. No matter which side of the political aisle you're on, you can enjoy one side or the other.
Happy New Year my loyal readers (all two or three of you). I'm feeling like 1/1/11 is all about the renewal.
----------------------------------
To My Democrat Friends:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011 but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.
To My Republican Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Have a blessed Christmas!
---------My Rebuttal-----------------------
To my progressive liberal friends around the world: No matter what holiday you celebrate during this season, we wish you and your family well.
To my conservative friends around the world: Merry Christmas. Because of course, Christmas is the only holiday worth celebrating, and if you're not with us, you're against us. Christmas is the holiday of NASCAR, the NRA, and the American Family Association, which so clearly represent the best interests of the world as a whole. I mean, surely those billions of people around the world who don't celebrate it just haven't opened their hearts to Jesus. Also, to the gays, blacks and other people who are impinging on our holiday, don't you have Kwanzaa or some "gay" holiday that you can celebrate instead? I mean, Christmas is a time for the children of Jesus to celebrate, and that ain't you folks. So crack open a Bud Light to toast the new year my friends, ours is the enlightened path!
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