The Dude Abides...

Been a long time, loyal readers. Not that I have many of you, but for those who do follow, I apologize once again.

I've been in a pretty dark place for a few months now. You wouldn't know it to look at me, as I generally always have my happy face on. But the darkness has bubbled to the surface quite a bit more in recent weeks than I'm comfortable with. I do believe that it is a combination of Christmas approaching, and my seeming inability to get a job. Combined, they just make me dread the holidays that much more, and look forward to them being over and done with.

A year ago, I had been looking forward to the start of the new year, and my attempt to start seriously pursuing employment. Now, a year later, I can't quite believe that I'm still mostly unemployed. Never thought it would be this hard. At least unemployment has kept me afloat, and poker has, for the most part, made me financially solvent. I've still spent too much money in the past six months, and am too far in debt for my own psychological well-being. Christmas is going to be mostly non-existent this year. I think I'm buying four gifts total, and hopefully getting cards out this week. That's it, and then rolling into next year.

Here's to hoping that 2011 is better than 2009 and 2010 were. Too late in life to string this many bad years together.

But I'm hopefully slowly climbing out of the muck. I've put poker on hold for a few weeks. Online, live, everything. I had a great year, but mentally I need a break. I'm not getting back online until I'm in a better mental state, as tilt is too easy when I'm feeling down.

A few more months of unemployment left, and then it's back to retail if I don't have something else by then. Ugh.

I take solace in the fact that I have good health, great friends, a roof over my head, and food in my belly. Things could be much worse, and I never want to seem as though I am not grateful for the things that I do have. I am far more grateful than I could ever express. I'd just like to not have the stress that long-term unemployment offers up.

Thank you all for bearing with me. Psychological reboot in process. Uber-mellow Rob to return shortly. The Dude abides...