So, a friend of mine did one of those challenges where you're given a number, and have to write that many things about you, your life, etc. I decided to play along. The number I was given was 29, but with the request that
four of the items be written as though they were written about me by my
mom. That was almost enough to make me
not want to do this, despite enjoying things like this. That’s because…
1)
I really, really miss my mom. It’s been two years since she passed, and I think of her every
day. It hasn’t gotten easier with
time, it has gotten harder. She was
the only member of my family that I spoke with on a regular basis, and was the
glue that held what small family I have together. So when she was gone, in a way, the family was gone. I have had an inordinate amount of stress,
anxiety, and depression over the last few years, and she was the one person
that always knew what to say to alleviate some of that. I have great friends and a wonderful
girlfriend, but no one can ever really replace your mom. If yours is still around, call her, go see
her, cherish every moment you have with her.
Because it can go away very, very quickly.
2)
I am entirely self-taught in my cooking skills. There are only a few things in my life that
I’m truly good at, and that’s one of them.
But I believe that the reason I’m good at it is because I have never had
a single moment of fear in the kitchen.
It is truly the only thing I can make that statement about. I was a natural in the kitchen from the age
of 5 when I first stood in front of a stove.
If there had been Food Network when I had been a child, I would have
gone to culinary school instead of college.
3)
Despite the fact that I’m extremely friendly and outgoing, I
am extremely difficult to get to know.
I will answer literally any question anyone asks me. Seriously, ask me absolutely anything, and
I’ll give you a brutally honest answer.
But I never, ever, offer up things about myself in casual
conversation. It’s why I actually
enjoy things like these lists, because it gives me a forum to just free-form
ramble about myself, which is nearly always anathema to me. But for some reason, in this format, I enjoy
it.
4)
I have a bowling ball with a skull inside of it. They’re no longer made, so it was something
very difficult to find. I actually had
a Christmas list years ago that I called Rob’s Impossible To Find X-Mas
List. It was the only item from the
list I ever received. It came from the
wife of the bowling coach at the University of Alabama.
5)
I have a fairly extensive art collection, in a variety of
mediums. I wish that I could still
afford to buy art, but that was a luxury from days long past. But I do love that I have the art that I
do.
6)
I have a nearly photographic memory. When I was in high school, I was the person that everyone called
when they needed someone else’s phone number, because I had them all memorized. When I was in college, I worked in the
Mervyn’s shoe department, where I memorized the 10-digit bar code on every pair
of shoes that were ever sold in the store.
If anyone in the Western U.S. had someone return a pair of shoes without
a box, there was a standing order to call my store and ask for me, because I
could tell them what the bar code for the shoes was. I still remember my junior high school locker combinations and
the license plate numbers of my parents cars when I was a kid. It’s a handy skill to have (my poker game
benefits greatly from it), but it also can be paralyzing at times as I remember
every possible way that things can go wrong, every poor mistake I have ever
made, etc. All in all, it’s a benefit,
but not without a downside.
7)
I have always been a far better coach than I ever was as a
participant. Even in things like poker
that I’m extremely good at. I was an
all-star in baseball, but far better as a coach. I have been a great poker player, but teach the game even better
than I play it. I live a pretty good
life, but I’m better at teaching others how to live theirs. Should have been a counselor.
8)
I’m a cancer survivor.
19 years now.
9)
I managed a porn store for 15 years. Still the best job, and the best boss, I’ve ever had. Would have done it for the rest of my life
most likely, if the internet hadn’t knocked the financial legs out from that
particular industry.
10)
I own hundreds of first edition hardcover books. I have been an avid reader my whole life,
and won’t ever make the transition to a Kindle or Nook, even though I own one
(I use it to watch TV in bed). There’s
just something about opening a hardcover book that can’t ever be
replicated. Although I’m sure Jeff
Bezos is coming up with a Kindle that has “New Book Smell” as we speak.
11)
Two days a week, I
spend three hours in a car going to work for four hours. Hardly seems worth it, but somehow it
is. I love my job, and have passed up
full-time positions that I wouldn’t enjoy nearly as much simply because I’ve
reached a point in my life where happiness is the most important thing.
12)
I very much enjoy inflicting physical pain on people. But I’m not a Sadist, because I only enjoy
doing it to people who enjoy having it done.
I call myself a “Sadist for masochists”. And the more someone enjoys receiving pain, the more I enjoy
giving it to them.
13)
I will never forget how to spell the word chauffeur. It’s the word I lost the district spelling
bee on as a 6th grader.
14)
I suffer from depression and anxiety, and am always amazed at
the way the human brain works with things like that. It always seems to take away the things that help to cure
them. For me, writing is one of the
things that offers the most assistance in dealing with depression. But it is usually one of the first things
that goes. I just get tremendous
writers block, and can’t force myself to get words onto paper. This exercise is incredibly therapeutic.
15)
In the first poker tournament I ever played, I finished 3rd
out of 140 people, and won $2400. The
second tournament I ever played, I took 1st out of 120 people and
won $3200. I thought poker was the
easiest game ever invented. I was
wrong. But I’ve been fortunate enough
to be blessed with both the aforementioned memory, and a lightning fast mind
for mathematics, which combined to make the game come easier to me than almost
anyone else. I’ve never had a losing
year in the 11 years I’ve been playing.
16)
My personal blog is really popular in Russia. I have no idea why, but I track the numbers
of people visiting my blog, and I have nearly as many readers from Russia as I
do in the U.S. I should probably write
more. Sorry Comrades.
17)
Other than when I lived in college dorms, I’ve rarely spent a
single day without at least one pet.
From the time I was born until now, I’ve always had at least a cat, but
usually many more animals. Right now
I’ve got 6. In high school I had
somewhere around 25-30, occasionally more.
18)
My dad has been an electrician for over 50 years. I have absolutely no idea how electricity
even works. It’s basically magic to
me.
19)
My girlfriend and I have an extremely gender reversed
relationship, despite the fact that I look like a biker and she looks like an
earth mama. I do almost all the
cooking and laundry, she does all the yardwork and repairs/building. She also drinks whiskey and dark beer,
while I drink diet soda and wine.
20)
The last time I saw my biological father (anytime I refer to
my dad, it’s my step-dad), he dropped me off at the San Francisco Airport and
left two hours before my flight because he was late for a drug deal. My flight was cancelled due to
weather. I rebooked my own flight, and
spent a day wandering around the airport.
I was 12.
21)
I was the top recruit on the west coast for the Naval Academy
coming out of high school. I got the
Senatorial nomination from California (a really big deal), and was a finalist
for the nom from the Vice President.
But I was also an insecure 17-year old that had no idea what I wanted to
do with my life. I wasn’t ready to
commit 9 years of my life at a minimum.
So I turned it down, and got my degree from small schools that opened no
doors and gave me no advantages. I
don’t regret my decision, ever. But I
do wonder where I would be if I had taken the other road.
22)
I have always been the emotional rock in all relationships,
both friendship and love. I have
always been in complete control of my emotions in all serious times. I’ve never yelled at someone in anger. In college I was the one that dealt with
police when they came to parties. I
literally never lose control, and am always stable. Despite this, I’m a complete sap when it comes to movies, TV
shows, books, music, or anything that is designed to play on your emotions. I cry extremely easily for things as
meaningless as a commercial. But never
when anything serious is happening in life, mine or anyone else’s.
23)
When I was young, I was extremely competitive. I have a finger that won’t set right
because I broke it so many times punching things when I lost. I was never upset at the other team, only
with myself, for not performing optimally.
My nickname was Psycho, because I would just snap when I lost. When I got cancer in my 20s, it was one of
the only true “lightswitch” moments in my life. I lost all competitive drive.
I basically started playing sports and games simply for the enjoyment
they generated on their own. I would
still get upset occasionally if I did something stupid, but that was more about
me feeling stupid than about me losing.
I still try to play everything optimally, but now truly no longer care
if I win or lose.
24)
I consider myself a total foodie. I was raised going to some of the best restaurants on the west
coast. I’ve paid $150 for a steak, and
once spent $1,000 on meals in two days.
Despite that, my favorite foods are pretty much pizza, mac-n-cheese, and
grilled hot dog sandwiches. I plan on
dying of a heart attack in my 50s.
25)
I absolutely love nautical history. I’ve read biographies of Magellan, Drake, Captain Cook, the Kon
Tiki expedition, and some of my favorite works of fiction are set on or under
the ocean. I would love to travel the
world in a boat. But that’s a bit of a
problem, since my girlfriend hates the water.
And now the four that would be written about me if my mom
were still here to write them:
26)
I love you despite the fact that I don’t understand you. I probably never will know why you do the
things you do, why you’ve made the choices you’ve made, or why you live the
life you live. But I’ll always love
you and be here for you.
27)
You should have done so much more with your life, but I’m
really glad that you’re happy. You are
the smartest of my children, yet you have clearly achieved the least. But you’re also the happiest, so there’s
something to be said for that.
28)
I’m glad that you’ve
finally managed to find a woman that both treats you well, and isn’t a complete
psycho bitch like the last few.
Seriously, your relationship choices for most of your life have been an
absolute train wreck. For someone as
smart as you, you couldn’t have been a more colossal fuck up if you were
trying. Don’t screw this one up.
29)
You don’t visit your mother nearly often enough. (Really wish I had done this one more when I
could have. Seriously, people, if your
mom is still around, go visit.)
