Long time no see, my friends. This is why I didn't send out this blog to everyone when I first started it. I knew that at some point, I was going to freeze up, mentally. It is, unfortunately, how my brain tends to work. In the end, it just comes down one of my very first blogs on here. Just do it.
I was on my facebook page tonight, when I saw a quote that I have on my page. It is only a small part of a much larger quote that I have always enjoyed. But it kicked me in the ass a bit tonight, and brought me here. "Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly." Seems simple enough, doesn't it? Life is going on with us or without us. Nothing we can do is going to slow it down, turn it around, or allow us another shot at it. We have to make the most of the time we are allotted, and every moment that we waste is a moment we will never get back.
Tonight, I was at a small party at a friend's house. It was a pretty diverse crowd of people for such a small group. Next to me was an extremely beautiful 19 year old girl. Across from me sat a very nice 22 year old guy. There were a number of references to things that seemed to be common sense that one or both of them didn't get. The guy didn't know who Robin Williams was. He'd never heard of Dune. It didn't make me feel old, but it did make me realize that quite possibly, I'm nearing the apex of my life on this planet, from a strictly "age" standpoint. I have never taken the best care of my body, and if I live to be 80, I'll consider myself lucky. As such, I've probably been on this planet for close to half of my expected life.
It made me realize just how precious my time is. Obviously, we never know how long we have. I could be in a car accident and killed tomorrow. Or, nano-technology can advance to the point where my clogged arteries will be repaired before the inevitable heart attack, and I'll live to be 100. It doesn't really matter how much time I have, but rather, what I do with that time matters most of all. If I waste 10 years, or 20 years, does it really matter if I live to be 100? On the other hand, if I can squeeze 50 years of life into the next 10, could I be content dying at 48?
The past few months have been difficult for me. It's now 10 1/2 months without a job, and it is definitely wearing me out. I applied for a couple of very good jobs in the past week, and I think if I were to get one of them, it would solve a lot of the thoughts that have plagued me recently. But I cannot wait for that. I cannot allow being unemployed to slow me down any longer. I realize now, that I only have so much time in my life. I cannot waste it. It would be easier to reach my fullest potential if I had a way of paying for the things that I would like to do, but in the meantime, I will do those things that don't require much.
More than anything, it just boils down to this: I'm back.
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Welcome back. :)
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