What I Learned, the 2011 version...

Well, I’ve cranked up the Rush—Different Stages Live 2-Disc set, because I learned two years ago, that it takes exactly that long to write this column. Yes, it’s time once again for my Things I’ve Learned, I’m Thankful For, and Would Like to Forget blog. Featuring: 2011!

As always, I am most thankful for my friends. Those of you who are actually taking the time to read this most of all, as I know that you could be doing any of a number of things with the next 10-20 minutes of your life, and by choosing to read this blog, I truly feel special.

I am thankful for the year that I had in poker. 9 of 12 final tables at AIPCO. 67% cash rate at my Tuesday night game. About $12K in winnings. Player of the Year at both AIPCO and “The Rob”. I seriously doubt I will ever have that type of year again, and am thankful for being able to have experienced it once in my lifetime.

I’m thankful for Chance, once again, making it through another year. She looks awful. Diabetic. Losing her sight. Bad hip that slips out on her occasionally. But she’s still happy. She still comes running every time I sit down to eat, hoping that I’ll throw her some meat or cheese. She sleeps, eats and shits. That’s her life, and by God, if we’re all so lucky as to live as long (relatively) as she has, we’ll all be happy to keep going just as she does.

I’m thankful for our new cat Isis.

I learned that Max doesn’t intimidate every cat on the planet.

I’m thankful for the opportunity to watch Isis kick Max’s ass, as after years of watching him terrorize every other cat we’ve had in the house, it was so much fun to see one not back down to him.

Isis would like to thank Max for being her bitch.

Chance would like to thank Isis for making Max her bitch, and getting him to stop picking on her.

I am thankful for the glory that was Game of Thrones on HBO. I really didn’t see how they were going to get those books into such a short season (and don’t know how they’ll continue to do so since the books get longer and longer). But season one, which was basically book one, did a pretty damn good job. And Peter Dinklage was absolutely amazing as Tyrion Lannister.

I am thankful for a new book in the series coming out this year. Now, how about not waiting 7 years for the next one, eh, Mr. Martin?

I learned that the only way it works for me to have a girlfriend move in with me is to just tell her not to have a day that she’s going to move in. Rather, just keep moving things in slowly over the course of a few months, until she’s actually living here full time without me knowing it.

I’m thankful that Sara was willing to actually consent to doing it that way.

I’d like to forget that I’m still unemployed. I am hopeful that shortly after publishing this post, that I will get news from TSA that I’m hired out at the airport. But after 2 ½ years, I’m a little tired of not working. Don’t get me wrong, I still retire tomorrow if I hit the lottery. But no money and no work is not a great combination.

I’m thankful to Randy Lott, Steve Hartsock, and myself for coming up with the best new cheesecake flavors of the year: Apricot Brandy, Chocolate-Raspberry-Macadamia Nut, and Dark Chocolate with Candied Walnuts, respectively.

I learned that Tony is actually capable of losing the year end tournament at “The Rob”. First time in five years that he hasn’t walked away with the trophy. Don’t worry, sir, I know that I’m only a temporary placeholder.

I’m thankful for winning the year-end tournament at “The Rob”, despite being too tired to see my cards properly after cooking a 16-course meal for 16 people.

I learned that “chi” or energy flow actually exists, and isn’t just a pile of “new age mumbo jumbo”. Having spent most of my life as a Humian empiricist, who basically only believes in things that he can experience first hand, I would have discounted its existence until this year. But thanks to a wonderful experience with someone at a Fetish Night, I had my head blown back in a way I never thought possible. I’m thankful to Taralynn for providing that experience, and becoming a good friend over the rest of the year.

I am thankful for the new friends that I made this year, both online and in real life, and to those with whom I have reconnected.

I would like to forget the passing of friends and family who were taken too soon in the previous year. But at the same time, I am thankful that I’m able to remember good times with all of them.

Along those lines, I learned that one of my favorite artists, Ed Vliek, passed away last year. I couldn’t find much outside of an obituary in a Michigan newspaper, and on the off chance that someone reading this blog knows more about how he died, I would very much like the info.

I’m thankful to own some of Ed’s finest work, and that his memory will always live on through his outstanding photography.

I learned that St. Vincent De Paul is the greatest bookstore ever. $2.50 for first edition hardcover books. Or, if you’re really lucky, you hit them up on the one or two sales that they have each year, and get them for $1.25. My Elmore Leonard collection grew by leaps and bounds thanks to SVDP. It’s like the golden days of Powell’s, when Dave had his sister’s employee discount card, and I’d walk out with two or three shopping bags full of books. Wheeeeeeeee!!

I both learned and would like to forget that my writing is almost hardwired to my state of mind. That when I’m depressed, I find it to be nearly impossible to write. This became evident as the year wore on, the unemployment ran out, and the fear of the future turned to depression about the state of my life. I’m coming out of it, regardless of TSA’s decision, but it was a difficult few months there, and my blogging slowed to a non-existent crawl for much of the year. I do hope to remedy that situation this year, but it will be a slow buildup, not a faucet turning on.

I am thankful for the people who persevered at Scrabble enough to start winning a few games here and there. I know I’m not much fun to play most of the time, but Karen, Aline, and Erin, you all took games from me this year, congrats.

I’d like to forget that I had friends who had years far worse than mine this year. You all know who you are, and I don’t need to single any of you out. I truly hope that 2012 brings us ALL much luck, love and good tidings.

I’m thankful for the guilty pleasure that is Once Upon a Time. Yes, it’s trash TV. But it’s FUN, too. I mean, not everything can be Breaking Bad. And if it’s going to be trash, at least it can be worth watching.

I’m thankful for the return to television of Beavis and Butthead. So many years later, and they still have their finger on the pulse of pop culture and all that needs mocking.

I learned of lots of new music this year, and yes, I realize that much of it has been around for a while. I’m not nearly the music snob that others are, but when it’s new to me, I’m still thankful. So thank you Yellowcard, 30 Seconds To Mars, Arcade Fire, The XX, Skillet, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Miike Snow, Grace Potter and the Nocturnals, Kelly Joe Phelps, Florence and the Machine, Sleepy Joe Estes, Band of Horses, Chevelle, Adele, and the people whose music I loved but didn’t know who sang the songs: Anna Nalick, Missy Higgins, and Bowling for Soup.

I would like to forget that there are people in the world who are capable of doing some of the things that I saw in the news just in the last week. Yes, I’m thinking of you woman who put her baby in the spin cycle of the washer. Yes, I’m thinking of you, assholes who put an M80 into the mouth of a dog. That whole Eye-for-an-Eye thing looks better to me all the time.

I’m thankful to have actually landed some cooking gigs this year. Would love to have it happen more often.

I learned that Eugene really doesn’t have any good neighborhoods for Christmas Lights. Sara and I drove around for hours, hitting up almost every corner in town, and outside of just a random street here or there with a few cool houses on it, there really isn’t much to see in this town.

I’m thankful to have had the opportunity to drive around looking for them anyway.

I learned that the crazy French chick that opened for Vagabond Opera at the Steampunk convention in Portland was truly awful. I mean, an entire song dedicated to garlic? Really?

I learned that when you fill my old plastic Elvira Halloween cup to the top with spare change, it comes to just about $100 every time.

I’m thankful for having deep cleaned my desk this winter, and finding about five envelopes full of great old pictures, two pairs of long missing sunglasses, some artwork, and other assorted things I thought I had lost. Geez, I should do this more often.

I’m thankful to once again have had the great status updates between Kate and David this year, congrats on the impending nuptials. I’d also like to single out the updates from Karen Norton too. All of you are an inspiration to people all over as to just how great love really can, and SHOULD, be for everyone.

I learned that the Republican party, at least on the national level, is even more dysfunctional than the Democrats. They have exactly ONE candidate who has a shot to beat Obama, and that’s Mitt Romney. He’s a centrist, he’s rich and a great fundraiser, he’s been thoroughly vetted after this much time in the spotlight, he has no real issues other than being Mormon. So what do they do? They keep throwing up the flavor of the “weak”, and getting them shot down. I mean, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have GOT to be saying, “Please let it be Santorum!”

I’d like to forget how depressing the movie Inside Job is. For those of you who haven’t seen it, you should, even though you’ll want to break your TV by the end of it. Perhaps the only time in my life that I’ve truly felt as though I had lost all hope for a better future.

I’m thankful for the Occupy movements. Despite the fact that 99% of the 99% don’t know what they want to say, or how to say it; despite not being on the same page most of the time; despite having little to no ability to affect the change you want to see—you still became a global phenomenon and at least shone a light on the problems for a little while. I don’t know if anything substantial will come of it, but I’m glad it happened.

I learned, about 7 years later than many people, that Supernatural is kind of a cool TV show.

I learned that formspring is about the coolest timesuck of a website if you like to write. You can find me on there as foxmuldur if you care to ask and/or answer questions.

I’m thankful that I finally have given up all facebook games. I still play Scrabble and Words with Friends, but do so through my phone. No more Mafia Wars, Franchise Football, or anything else.

I learned that the former USSR has now surpassed Japan as far as my blog followers. Russia is #2, Ukraine #4, and Serbia #5 for page views. I need to post more often. Sorry Comrades, I will get more up there for you.

I learned that Science Pub is a great way to kill a Thursday night. Those of you in the Eugene area, it’s this Thursday at Cozmic Pizza. Trust me, you’ll like it. Beer, pizza, cute nerdy chicks talking science, what more could you want? It’s like The Big Bang Theory in real life.

I’m so thankful for the year of quotes that Charlie Sheen delivered. So much fun.

I learned that animalsbeingdicks.com is an absolutely awesome timesuck.

I’m thankful that I was able to get back into sending mass quantities of Christmas cards this year. I still don’t have much holiday spirit, and probably won’t until I’m in a better spot in my own life, but it was nice going into the post office with an obscene amount of cards again. If you DIDN’T get one, it’s because I don’t have your address. Send me an email with your address, and you’ll get the Dreaded Christmas Letter next year, I promise. And maybe a random card this year just because.

I’d like to forget what a poor job I did at getting out random cards this year. Bad Rob!

I’d like to forget what a crappy job I did at working out this year too. Meh.

I’m thankful for Sara having taken over the yard, and starting the transformation from “large area of giant weeds” to “landscaped area behind house”. I know that after 10 years of neglect and/or abuse, it will take a while. But the first round goes to Sara, after near unanimous decisions for the yard in previous years.

I’d like to forget that online poker was shut down in April. After two years of unemployment, my one legitimate source of income was taken away from me. I’m not a stellar player, but I could pretty easily pull down $20-$30 an hour on a regular basis. I didn’t WANT to do it full time (no benefits, high stress, bad for my health), but it WAS going to be my fall back position after unemployment ran out. Alas, once again, the government felt it necessary to regulate my morality, rather than taxing it and helping to solve the national debt in the process. Yay, idiots!

As long as I’m on government bureaucracy, I’d like to forget that much of my year was mucked up by it. From my mortgage assistance being taken away for having made $140 too much the previous year, to the month that I lost in my TSA application thanks to a doctor not signing off on the fact that I have a spot of rosacea on my cheek, to the online poker fiasco, it was truly a year of wonderful government actions and inactions. The scary thing to me is that all of these people can get a job, and I can’t.

I’m thankful for a year of good health. When you don’t have any health insurance, it’s a scary thing to get sick. So going through a year healthy is a wonderful thing.

I’m thankful for people like Elizabeth, who are willing to do a job that they love even though it puts them into a tight spot financially. Now stop putting up those photos of animals in cages. You know I can’t hold out forever, dammit, and we’ve already got 7 pets!!

I learned that it is possible to walk backwards through IKEA, but it’s not recommended. Thanks Gwen for assisting on the adventure and search for Tupperware.

I learned that the CD and Game exchange place has a pretty good selection of fun PS2 games for next to nothing. Go Rampage and Need for Speed!

I’d like to forget that with the shut down of online poker, almost all poker television has gone away. Poker After Dark, the National Heads-up Championship, and most likely High Stakes Poker are all gone due to lack of sponsorship.

I’d also like to forget that Stargate: Universe was cancelled. One of the truly great and underrated sci-fi shows of all time. Easily the best of the Stargate shows. Dark, moody and intense. Awesome television, and a shame that it’s gone. Of all the shows that were cancelled this past year, that one hurt the most.

I learned of the joy that is pulled-pork cornbread.

I’d like to forget the fact that I ate WAY too much fast food last year.

I’m thankful for the people I have in my life who are great writers, bloggers, conversationalists, and just overall deep thinkers. The world is losing great minds, and not replacing them nearly as quickly. I’m thankful that at least for my generation, I’ve still got people who can hold a good conversation, either spoken or written.

I’m thankful for Paulo Coehlo.

I’m thankful for people who really love pain, and allow me to inflict it on them on a regular basis at the monthly Fetish Nights.

I’m thankful for a really good medium-rare steak from Long’s Meat Market.

I’m thankful for really good fish from Fisherman’s Market.

I’m thankful for the 6 months a year that I get super fresh vegetables from the farm down the road from my house.

I’m thankful for the vacuum sealer that Elaine and Chris got me a few years ago that allows me to pull those fresh vegetables from the farm out of the freezer the other 6 months of the year.

I’m thankful to Pat, Mandi, and others who offered me odd jobs this past year to help with the financial hardships.

I’m thankful to Scott for writing a wonderful letter of recommendation to prospective employers for me.

I learned that I sell almost exactly three times as many cheesecakes at the restaurant down the road when they’re able to be displayed in the front display case.

I’d like to forget that the owner of said restaurant has pissed off every refrigeration repair guy in two counties, and now has no one to fix said display case, thereby cutting my sales by 2/3.

I’m thankful that I still have 1/3 of my sales in the restaurant.

I’m thankful for friends like Hye, Jen, and others who buy my cheesecakes when I just feel like making a batch up for friends.

I learned that a leopard gecko can have a tail just “drop” off. And also am learning that they will then regrow that tail.

I learned that Howie is my favorite DJ in Eugene.

In movies this year, I learned that Sucker Punch was incredibly underrated, that Incendies was the most fucked up movie of the year, that Biutiful was incredibly well done, but even more incredibly depressing, that Blue Valentine was incredibly overrated, and that if you want a glimpse of what Tom Hardy is going to be like as Bane in the new Batman movie, you should watch Bronson, not Inception.

I’m thankful for the absolute brilliance that is Downton Abbey. Fucking master class of acting on all levels.

I learned that the notorious pirate Captain Kidd wasn’t really a pirate at all. He was a pirate hunter, and wow did he get a raw deal, both in his time, and from history.

I will say again, I am thankful to have the greatest set of friends that anyone could ever ask for. You are all treasures to me, and make my life worth living. You are such beautiful, smart and funny people. You inspire me every day through your actions and words. I simply am trying to live up to the standards that you all set on a daily basis. My life is fuller, and more complete, simply for having you all in it.

Finally, as I wrap up the longest of these lists that I’ve ever done, I am thankful for anyone who read all of it.