What I Learned, What I'm Thankful For, and What I'd Like to Forget About 2013

I sit down for the first time in many years to write this blog without having the Rush live CD of Different Stages Live playing in the background. Why? Because as of today, I’m the proud owner of the brand new 3-disc Rush Clockwork Angels Tour CD set. So, with the annual tradition of live Rush music playing in the background, it is my pleasure to bring you once again, What I’ve Learned, What I’m Thankful For, and What I’d Like To Forget About…. 2013.

A disclaimer up front: If I tagged you, it’s because either A) you’re in this somewhere, or B) you’ve been tagged in a previous year’s entry, or C) you’ve liked or commented on previous year’s blogs. Don’t feel compelled to read simply because you’re tagged, but I’m thrilled if you’d like to.

On to the blog….

Obviously,the first entry is a no-brainer. I’d really, really, REALLY like to forget that my mom is gone. Fuck. 2013 can suck it for that reason alone. It was a tough year overall, but of course the hardest part was losing the one person on this planet that I’ve always been able to talk to, confide in, and seek counsel from. She was the glue that held my family together, and the common ground that we all shared. I miss her so much, and I’ve really still not come to terms with it. I could ramble on for half of this blog, but none of it could really say more than that. I miss you, mom.

I’m thankful that my sister and I were able to be there to hold her hand when she passed.

I’m thankful that my Dad is still here. I had said for years that if my mom went first, I didn’t expect him to last another year. Heck, I didn’t really expect six months. His health is shitty, and getting worse. But he hasn’t given up, which I fully expected, and we talk every week, which I really didn’t expect. This is all bonus time for me, as it is unexpected.

I’m thankful for Sara. She always feels a little slighted in these year end blogs, and I don’t mention her as often as I should. She deserves far better than I, that’s for sure. She always seems to know just what I need, and to provide it. She’s truly wonderful that way.

I learned that Max can actually have a friend. Honestly, in the 8+ years of his life, he really hasn’t ever had one. He’s either been the bully (with Chance, with Jasmine) or been bullied (by Isis, by the dogs). But when we brought home Moirae earlier this year, within a week, they were playing for hours every day. He loves that cat, and it shows in his every action. It is really wonderful to watch.

I’d like to forget that Max is really the only person that Moirae likes to spend time with. She’s just about the least affectionate cat I’ve ever owned. Here’s to hoping she grows out of that at some point.

I’m thankful that I was able to get promoted to a half-time position with the county this year. It will take a while to move into something full-time, but eventually it will happen.

I’d like to forget that Diablo’s is closed. Having been a performer there for the past four-plus years, I feel very blessed to have been a part of it. Losing it near the end of the year, after suffering much loss throughout the year was just another very painful blow. Wherever we end up in the future won’t be nearly as special.

I learned that fate does sometimes deliver things to us that we don’t even realize the significance of for quite some time. In January, I was dealing with the final decline of my mom, and the loss of this powerful woman full of light and love from my life. Little did I know that I would be blessed with another powerful woman full of light and love and joy coming into my life that same month. I’m so thankful to Stuart for having the confidence in me and my BDSM skills to introduce me to Dani at the Fetish Ball last January. From that initial meeting, I have gained one of the truly great friends and loves in my life. She is like this giant beacon of joy and light that never fails to make me smile. And until I sat down to write this blog, I really hadn’t put together the timing of it all, that as one light was extinguished, another came to fruition.

I’d like to forget the struggles of AIPCO to maintain a higher level of attendance this year. I look back longingly on the dawn of my poker career, when we would have 120-140 players, because it was just about the only tournament in the state in 2004. Now, with a poker room in every neighborhood, and bars having games as well, our numbers have dwindled down so far. I hope that we can turn it around in the coming year.

I’m very thankful to have been the player of the year at AIPCO for the third year in a row.

I’d like to forget that in one year, I went from someone who had never finished an AIPCO tournament as a runner-up, to the all-time leader in 2nd place finishes, with four.

I’m thankful for the opportunity to see a “real” poker player this year, as Noah decided to drop in on my Tuesday night game (which I still believe is one of the toughest home games in town), and just toy with us for a couple of hours, and then walk off with a win and our money. We are but children…

I’m thankful for this new Rush album, which is great. I’m also very thankful to Fathom events for actually putting on a Rush concert that I could go watch in the movie theater for $20, instead of having to pay $150 or so to see them in concert.

I’d like to forget that I couldn’t afford to actually see them in concert.

I’m very thankful to Sara for actually sitting through the Rush concert at the movie theater with me. As an aside, Sara really hates going to the movies. She loves movies, but prefers to watch them at home, where she can fall asleep halfway through, and then watch the other half the next week when HBO replays it. She doesn’t like actually going to the movies, where she’s forced to either stay awake or fall asleep in a theater full of people. But I’m very proud of her for making a commitment to go to one movie a month with me, because I love going to see them in the theater. She was way behind for much of the year, but actually went to three in December to almost get caught up.

I’d like to forget that whole minus-10 degree weather we had here for a while. Hey mother nature, let’s not do that one again for 30 or 40 years, huh?

I learned that Fogarty Creek State Park here on the Oregon coast might just be the best place I’ve ever been to find awesome seashells. Seriously, if you’re one of those people that just likes spending an hour sorting through piles of shells on a shore, take a day trip out there sometime. It’s amazing.

I’m thankful for the wonderful hike Sara and I had at Sweet Creek Falls in Mapleton this year. Sara would like to forget the time that she went with her sister and parked at the 2nd parking lot instead of the first one, thinking there was no difference. And really, there’s no difference at all. Except for the mile or so of beautiful hiking, and the fact that you miss all of the waterfalls except for the last one. Other than that, no difference. ;)

I learned that the best new cheesecake flavor in 2013 is… Dark Chocolate with Coconut. It is the first time I’ve ever made myself a cheesecake based solely on how good the batter looked from someone else’s order.

Remember in previous years all the times I said that I’d like to forget how much soda I drank, or how much candy I’d consumed…. Well, this year, I’d like to forget that I had to go on medication for my blood sugar thanks to all those years of soda and candy consumption.

I’m thankful that I can still have a dessert now and then.

I’m thankful that diet soda no longer tastes like cardboard that was left out in the rain for an entire winter, and then baked with vinegar until it was crispy,and then ground down into a powder and mixed with water. No, really, diet soda actually tastes fairly good now.

I’d like to forget that I still drink too much soda, only now it’s diet soda. Double whammy of badness there.

I’m thankful for everyone that ordered cheesecakes from me this year. Seriously, you’re helping me pay the bills, so thank you.

I’d like to forget that there aren’t more of you regularly consuming cheesecakes. But it’s okay, I love you all anyway.

I’m very thankful that not only did 2013 bring me the joy and light of Dani, but it introduced another great friend to both Sara and I, who if I hadn’t already had Dani in my life, would easily be the most positive, joyous and happy person I’ve ever known. Thank you Adora for bringing so much positive energy, love and light into our lives. You are wonderful.

I’m thankful for being able to help bring a private fetish club into Eugene, as a founding member and board member of FetClub.

I’d like to forget that we’ve been in limbo for two months as we try to find a new home for that club with the loss of Diablo’s.

I’m thankful for the visual spectacle that was Gravity. I don’t know that I’ve ever had such an intense experience at the movies. It left a little to be desired in the storytelling aspect, but wow, what a rush!

I’d really like to forget that whole Miley Cyrus/Robin Thicke thing at the MTV awards. Really, I’d like to forget it. But it’s scarred my brain, and she just WON’T GO AWAY!

Along those lines, I’d like to forget that “Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve” show was Ryan Seacrest, Miley Cyrus, Macklemore, Debbie Harry and Jenny McCarthy. America… This is why we can’t have nice things….

I’d like to forget that most of you are probably paying more for your healthcare than you were just a few days ago. Really, I’d love to forget that, and I feel bad for all of you. Obama lied. I love the guy, still, even after all of his fuck-ups, I love the guy. But he lied and screwed most of you over. But you know what? This is MY blog, and MY year end recap, and so…

I’m SOOOOO thankful for Obamacare. Because for the first time in many years, I have health care. And not only that, I qualified for OHP+, which means that for the first time ever, I’ve got vision coverage, dental coverage, mental health coverage, and so much more. And there’s very little out of pocket expense to me at all. I can actually go in starting this month,and get all of the things that I’ve had to ignore and/or just “deal with” for the last few years, and start getting treated for them.

I learned that with some excellent sous chef help from Sara and Adora, my little galley kitchen can actually churn out 22 courses for 20. We had fewer people at the year end party this year, but we had more courses. Next year I’m shooting for more. On both courses and people.

I’m thankful for Diablo 3, which I got as a Christmas present. Diablo 2 was a huge time suck many years ago, but I just couldn’t justify spending the money on the game this year. Thankfully Sara decided that I should have something to do for all those nights when she’s asleep by 9, and I’m up until 3am.

I learned that I have only enough energy to write one or the other: emails or blogs. I have kept up on emails all year, which is really amazing for me. There were years in the past when I’d have emails in my inbox from three years prior, which I just kept telling myself “I’ll get to that tomorrow”. No more. I get back to emails almost always within a few days. Unfortunately, this has come at the expense of my blog, which only had a couple of entries this year. I really WANT to write more. I’m going to make the same declaration that I will try to write more that I’ve made the past couple of years. But I’m also realistic, in knowing that there’s a good chance it won’t happen.

I’d like to forget that it probably won’t happen, because I’ve learned that writing is one of the few therapeutic avenues that I have left to me.

I learned that when all of your stress-relieving outlets are either removed or become stressful themselves, anxiety becomes a real bitch to deal with. I’ve always been a pretty low-key low-stress person. One of the reasons that I’ve always been able to maintain that is because I’ve always been good at spreading out my stress-relief outlets. I’d have someone to talk to, as well as a physical outlet or two, and a mental outlet or two. For the past few years of my life, that consisted primarily of my mom (for talking to), golf and my BDSM activities (for the physical outlet), and poker and writing (for the mental outlet). Well, in 2013, I lost my mom; I didn’t play golf once because I can’t afford to; Diablo’s closed limiting my BDSM play; AIPCO (and to a lesser extent my Tuesday game) have struggled with attendance and become stressful just from trying to keep them up to previous levels; and I struggled with writers block and didn’t write much at all. So, I went from five outlets for stress to none, and my anxiety went through the roof.

I’m thankful that I have been able to realize all of those things, and how they helped in the past and hurt this year, and am slowly taking steps to alleviate all of the pressure that built in the last year. It will take time, but bridges are being built.

I’d like to forget that we really slacked on our coupon skills for the last half of the year.

I’m thankful that Sara was able to reclaim victory in her yearly battle with the yard. It wasn’t a blowout win on her part, but it was clearly a victory: we have a garden! We actually ate food from our yard! Still plenty of work to be done, and I think I heard whispering followed by a cackle from a big pile of weeds in a dark corner in back, but for now, Sara’s winning.

I’d like to forget that we did indeed lose an animal this year. And I’d like to forget that we haven’t made a bigger deal of it. Hydro, one of the leopard geckos, died early in the year. We still have one, and what I learned next means we might have him for a while.

I learned that leopard geckos don’t live 10-15 years as previously thought. They can live up to 35 years. So, he might just outlive us all. Well, probably not Sara, but the rest of us will be gone if he dies of old age.

As I am every year, I’m thankful for Paulo Coelho. Dude just inspires me to be a better person, and to treat the people around me better. I cannot stress highly enough that if you’ve never read any of his work, go buy one of his books now. The Alchemist is great, but really, any of them are going to change your life and how you view others.

I’d like to forget that I didn’t send out any cards this year other than Christmas. That’s a habit I will get back into doing in 2014. Because everyone loves getting real mail, with something written by hand inside.

I’d like to forget that most of the people who I send those cards to this year won’t be able to read my god-awful penmanship. Sorry, folks. Just take my word for it, it’s filled with really happy, inspiring thoughts and wonderful words of encouragement. It says I love you and I think you’re awesome. Trust me. It looks like it says, “akl;rejhioasheopihjkal;sdfl;kashgoi;a”, but it doesn’t. It says I love you and think you’re awesome. Really.

I’m thankful for the revitalization of downtown Eugene. Adora and I spent a night just walking through downtown, and there are so many amazing restaurants, businesses and places to hang out down there now. I remember years ago when it was basically 50 homeless kids and a bunch of empty buildings. Now it’s actually a place people WANT to go.

I’d like to forget that one of the best new restaurants in town is actually called “Party Downtown”. Seriously. That is quite possibly the worst name in the history of all business names. It would be fine if it was a party shop. It would be great if it was a nightclub. It is neither. It’s a locally sourced, gourmet foodie restaurant. Some of the best food I’ve had in town. They are really quite amazing, and I highly recommend you eating there. But this is one of those names that makes you question the intelligence of anyone running the business, and fear that if they’re that inept, they’ll never keep it afloat.

I learned that The Zingaro is hands down the best food cart in town. And that’s saying something, because there are some great ones here. But those guys are awesome. A-W-E-S-O-M-E! Hot dog split in half, stuffed with cheese,wrapped in bacon, and deep fried. For the win! Seriously, they’re amazing, and cheap, and just really nice people. Gave us a free pumpkin and chocolate chip brownie just for stopping by and complimenting them.

I’m thankful for the absolutely epic Halloween party that was put on by Ian Dustrial and friends. Four live bands in the house, at least that many DJs with a dance floor in the back yard, free Ninkasi on tap, The Zingaro serving food, hundreds of people there until dawn…and I even had numerous people who let me paddle them (I went as the naughty priest). Seriously, I will never miss this party again.

I learned that Natalie Jeanne bites harder than anyone I have ever known in my life. I still have a scar on my thumb. Damn.

I learned that MeadHall is easily the most beautiful dungeon in Oregon. Seriously, even if you’re not into BDSM, you should checkout the website. It’s gorgeous.

I’d like to forget that I decided not to bowl this year for both time and financial reasons. It’s a big commitment, but I miss the friends that I had there.

I’d like to forget that A) the hot tub was out of commission for quite a few months, and B)the hot tub cost about $500 to get back INTO commission.

I’m still so very thankful to have a hot tub.

I learned (from observing not participating) that jello wrestling is very cold, very messy, and very difficult to clean up.

I’m thankful to have had Sara’s birthday to allow me to observe jello wrestling in our backyard.

I learned that if you leave a container of jello sitting in the back yard for a couple of months, that eventually it becomes this breeding ground for small flying insects. This in turn creates a huge feed source for the spiders that normally occupy the trees and plants around where the jello is sitting. This in turn makes those spiders grow to outrageously large size.

I learned that Sara is okay with one of those spiders existing, because she views it almost as “her pet”. I learned that the moment Sara realized that the huge spider that she thought was “her pet” was just another random huge spider created by the now glowing and radioactive jello in the back yard, I officially had the okay to kill anything that moved.

I learned that tarantulas aren’t the only spiders that grow to that size. All it takes to have a spider that’s three inches across is… wait for it… Oh, you know the answer: Jello left outside for a couple of months.

I’d like to forget the spider that was almost as wide as the shoe used to smash him.

I’d like to forget that even at that size, there’s people right now reading this blog saying to themselves “You killed it?! You could have just scooped him up and put him outside! He was more scared of you than you were of him!” To that last one, No, he wasn’t. It’s five months later and I’m still spooked. And if I had put him outside, he might have killed the dogs. Seriously, any bigger and he would be feeding on squirrels.

I’m thankful that the previous five paragraphs being all about spiders hasn’t completely scared all of you off.

I learned that after that much spider talk, I need a break and a soda (diet!) and I’ll be right back.

I learned that more than any show on TV or cable, “Kitten TV” is the most entertaining thing you can watch.

I am so very,very thankful for the final episode of “Breaking Bad”. Quite possibly the most perfect episode of TV ever filmed. I always thought that “The Shield” nailed it about as good as could be, both for a final season and a final episode. But this one beat it by a mile.

I’m thankful for a new TV series once again this year. If you’re not watching The Blacklist, you’re really missing out. Anyone who heard that James Spader was going to be the bad guy in the new Avengers movie, and incredulously thought, “Really?” Watch this show,and you will be praising the move. I don’t think anyone has had this much fun in a TV show since Shatner was doing Boston Legal.

I’m also thankful for new show Masters of Sex, and returning faves Game of Thrones, Justified, and Sons of Anarchy (Like a game of Clue, I’ll take: Gemma, in the kitchen, with the carving fork!).

I’m thankful for anyone still reading. It’s longer this year. Difference between a kick-ass 2-disc live set, and an even more kick-ass3-disc live set. Seriously, this concert is awesome. Once again, I’ll burn you a copy if you want it.

I’m thankful for epic hugs from Phaedra. And anyone else.

Speaking of hugs, I learned that sometimes, you can hug a random person at Costco and it’s a wonderful thing. Thank you Adora and unknown elderly woman who complimented our hug and got a group hug in return.

I’m thankful for the fact that I actually used my treadmill a bit this year. I’d like to say that I’m going to use it a LOT more in 2014, but I’m not that ambitious. A little more, or at least not any less is my goal.

I’m thankful for the fact that I was under 200 pounds all year for the first time since college if you discount the year I had cancer. Not much under, I’ve been between 193 and 198 all year. But not over 200 at any point in 2013. Let me remind you all of my secret to this success: Bacon and stress. The bacon and stress diet works,folks. I’ll be writing the bacon and stress diet book any day now.

I’m thankful that I’ve actually managed to keep my desk clean for weeks at a time this year. The rest of my office might look like shit (and occasionally smell like it since the cat litter boxes are in here), but my desk is marginally organized.

The second biggest thing I’d like to forget about this year is that I had to cannibalize my retirement fund in order to pay off the defaulted student loan of someone who hasn’t been a part of my life for many years. Honestly, at this point, I’d like to forget absolutely everything about that person. I’m thankful that I had the money to do it, and they couldn’t come after my house, but seriously, that was a big bummer.

The previous experience did allow me to learn that Becca is now no longer at the bottom of the “worst girlfriend ever” list, and can actually be named now, as someone else has taken over the title of “She who shall not be named”.

I’d like to forget that if Sara is ever in the same room as “She Who Shall Not Be Named”, that she will most likely end up in prison, with the other party ending up in the morgue.

I’d like to forget that people going into high school this year were born in the year 2000. Want to be even more freaked out? Next year, there will be people in high school born AFTER the Sept. 11th attacks. Fuck, I’m old.

I’m thankful for the people at Pita Pit who actually know how to make a wonderful, huge pita. I’m thankful for the other people who work there too, but only because they’re gorgeous college girls. They can’t make a pita for shit, but at least they’re cute to look at.

I learned how to make some really amazing lemon cookies this year. Super easy, and they are the type of cookie that you can eat a dozen of and not even realize it.

I’m thankful for more hikes with Courtney.

I’d like to forget the fact that Hallmark carries almost no funny cards anymore for Christmas. Most of you get the DCL, and I apologize for the “unfunny” or “marginally funny” cards that it came in this year. I had no options, and am a little bummed about that.

I’m thankful for the wonderful cocktail of melatonin and Benadryl that has allowed me to sleep marginally well for the past few months. Hopefully I’ll actually be able to get real sleeping pills from a doctor soon.

I’d like to forget that I need to take pills every night to sleep.

I’d like to forget that I had to put my car in the shop three times this summer for various ailments.

I’m very thankful that my car is still running, despite having 180K miles on it, and my job requiring me to put another 500 miles a week on it.

I’d like to forget that I still haven’t really gotten over Chance dying in 2012.

I’m thankful for the comedy genius that is Sterling Archer. Season 5 premiere is Monday the 13th.

I learned that Sweet Cheeks winery is a really great place to hang out and spend anafternoon.

I’m thankful for anyone who has made it this far. Seriously, I’m at nearly 10 pages in my MS Word, so I suppose I should wrap it up, even though I could undoubtedly come up with plenty more about the year that has now passed. It had way too much loss, of friends, of family, of animals, of businesses…. Just too much loss. But despite all of that, I ended the year feeling better about things than I have in a long time. And it’s all because of all of you.

Because as is the case every year, the thing I’m most thankful for is all of you. I feel truly blessed to have friends as amazing as all of you. Not a day goes by that I don’t think I’m the luckiest guy around because of the people that I’m able to call my friends. My life is more rich, beautiful, exciting, and fulfilled because of the contributions each and every one of you make. I truly love you all, and thank you for being in my life.

I hope to see you all in the coming year. If not, I hope to hear from you. And if neither of those happens, just know that I’m thinking fondly of you.