The Nature of Happiness

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" -- Charles Schulz

I've found myself dwelling on happiness a lot lately. More so this week, after the contact from Becca. But even before that, it had been a topic that I had been thinking about a lot over the past couple of months. What causes some of us to be happier than others? Is it genetics, or environment, or just our own unique brain chemistry?

I know that I'm happier now than I have been in the past. Certainly happier than when I was much younger. I think, for me, the change came when I had cancer so many years ago. The first step towards a happier Rob. I mean, I was happy then too. I always love to tell the story about when I found out that I had cancer. The first thing that I did was to go home, and spend a few hours with some old .wav editing software, crafting George Carlin's bit on cancer into a 30 second outgoing answering machine message. I loved that message. So did the nurses in the cancer ward. I remember coming home and having about 10 hang-ups on my machine, and then a message from the lead nurse, still laughing, saying that she had loved the message so much that she had all of the nurses working that day call up and listen to it. Made my day.

But, as happy as I was then, I didn't realize that it would change my life even more. I never feared for my life through that process. I was young, in arguably the best shape of my life, and it was a type of cancer that even at its most advanced stages, still has a 50% cure rate. And I had caught it early. You never know just how something like that will effect you though. While I didn't think at the time that it had had any effect at all, I look back now and realize that it did. Everything falls away. Like water off the back of a duck, it just falls away.

One of the greatest lines that anyone has ever used to describe me was "If he was any mellower, he'd be dead." I love that line. Not much gets to me anymore. People wonder how I could go through the situation with Becca, and not have it effect me more than it did. Because I'm happy with myself, and happy with my life. I'm a good person, and I treat the people in my life with the respect, kindness and love that they deserve. We all deserve that. Just because someone treats me poorly, doesn't give me the liberty to treat someone else poorly in kind. Not even the one who treated me in that way.

I truly believe that happiness comes down to what you think of yourself. There are circumstances that I would love to change about my life. I'd like a job, for one. I'd love to have a truly meaningful relationship with someone that I love, and who loves me in turn. I'd like to have enough money to replace the cat-piss stained carpet in the back two bedrooms. I'd like to be able to travel more, and see the world. I'd like to have the discipline to eat less than a manatee. But, despite all of that, I like myself. I may offer up a healthy dose of self-deprecation on a regular basis, but more than anything, that is simply a half-hearted attempt at humility.

I am not a Christian. However, I live my life by a couple of very Christian ideals. Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Turn the other cheek. Love thy neighbor. I want the world to be a better place, and in order to accomplish that, I do all that I can to make MY world as good of a place as I can. I help my friends. I do my very best not to hold a grudge against anyone for anything. I want everyone to know happiness the way that I experience it every day.

There have been very few people in this world that do not like me. But as I look back at the circumstances that caused that, it was as much, if not more, of my own doing that brought that upon me. I firmly believe that what we put into this world is magnified and brought back unto ourselves. If you put forth love, you will be loved. If you put forth anger and hatred, you will find that everyone hates you in turn. I put forth happiness. I want the people in my life, the people that I touch on whatever level, to be happy. You all deserve it, I truly believe that. No one should live a life that doesn't know happiness.

There are so many people in my life who don't know happiness. They don't cultivate it within themselves, or they put up barriers to it. They don't think they deserve it. They let other people determine whether or not they should have it. Let it all wash away. Only you can find happiness within yourself. No one else can lead you there, and no one else can lead you away from it. It's right there.

It doesn't matter if you have no money. It doesn't matter if you have no love in your life. It doesn't matter what your circumstances are, no matter how bleak, no matter how hard. Smile. Think of something wonderful, and smile. Let that feeling fill you up, and spill over into your whole body. Just the act of smiling, (a true genuine smile, not a smirk for the sake of the exercise) releases a hint of that feeling of happiness. Think of your child, think of your pet, think of your favorite song, or your favorite place. Smile. Doesn't that feel good? I know it does for me.

That's how I live. That's how I want everyone in my life to live. To know that feeling every day. Yes, life is hard. Yes, given the opportunity, life will beat you down. Don't let it keep you there. Life is supposed to knock you down. You are supposed to get back up.

The human spirit can be whatever you want it to be. Mine is happy. I want yours to be too.