What I Learned, What I'm Thankful For, and What I'd Like to Forget About 2019

Well, it’s a little bit later than I normally am writing this, but life has just seemed to get away from me for the past month or so.  But, I’ve put on Rush’s Different Stages Live (more on that in just a moment), and so its time to sit back and enjoy the journey that is, What I’ve Learned, What I’m Thankful For, and What I’d Like to Forget about 2019…

(If you’ve been tagged, it means that either you were mentioned somewhere in the giant pile of rambling thoughts that follows; that you’ve liked or commented on this blog in the past; or that I think you’d appreciate this.  Feel free to skip it if you don’t care to give up 20 minutes of your life you’ll never get back.)

Even though it happened in 2020, since it happened before I sat down to write this, I’m including it here, I’d really like to forget that Neil Peart just died.  Rush has been my favorite band for almost 30 years, and I’m just so bummed out that he’s gone. 

I’m thankful that I was able to see Rush live 7 times, including their final tour in 2015.  They were amazing to see play, and I have so many good memories of them.  I’m sad that there will be no more music, no more tours.  But I’m fortunate that I was able to enjoy them for as long as I did, and see them more than most.

I’m thankful to have been able to win a championship with my baseball team this year.  It had been a really long time since we were able to hoist the championship trophy at the end of the season.  It was a great year, and a great group of kids that I will always cherish. 

I’m thankful to my mom, for instilling in me a desire to read from a very young age.  I read 125 books this year, by far my personal best. 

I’m thankful for having a job that allows me the ability to read when I don’t have customers. 

I’m thankful that after 15 months in my new position, that my mental health is so much better than it was when I was working at Glenwood. 

I’d like to forget that sitting on my fat lazy ass at the new site, and no longer running all day at Glenwood, has caused me to end the year at my heaviest weight since my early 30s.  All I do is read and eat.  A great combo for my mental health, a terrible one for my physical well being. 

I’m thankful that I was able to learn as much as I did this year.  Reading as many books as I did, including a large number of non-fiction books, I started a notebook on my phone of all the things that I wanted to look up and learn about.  Then I’d go home in the evenings and get on Google or Wikipedia and spend some time learning things I didn’t know before.  Who knew that the internet wasn’t just for keeping up on gossip about people you haven’t seen since high school, and looking at memes? 

I learned what molecular computing is.  It’s basically programmed DNA, that is made to work like computer programs. 

I learned that the original Native American tribe in Southern California wasn’t the Gabrielinos, but rather the Tongva, who eventually split into the more well known two tribes of the Gabrielinos and the Fernandinos. 

I’m thankful for Michael Connelly for not only being an amazing author of multiple series of books that I love (Bosch and The Lincoln Lawyer), but for introducing me, through Bosch, to so much amazing Jazz.  Every time he references a Jazz musician, I write it down and then look it up on Spotify later.  Every one of them is amazing. 

I’m thankful that I’ve never been someone content to ride into the sunset with only the knowledge I’ve gained to this point in my life.  I always want to keep learning, and I’m not too proud to ask, to research, and to question. 

Speaking of not too proud, I’m also not too proud to admit when I don’t know what a word means.  So in addition to my “Things to Look Up and Learn About” note, I kept an old school vocabulary list on my phone this year, with words that came up in books that I didn’t know, or at least wasn’t sure of.  So this year I learned the words: Etoliated, Dross, Nimbus, Lintel, Cresset, Eschatology, Concupiscence, Chalcedony, Deliquesce, Ascetic, Chifforobe, and Peregrination.  If you knew them without looking them up, Kudos to you, as I was fucking stumped until consulting Google or a dictionary. 

I’m thankful that when I was a teenager, Vons grocery store ran a promo where every week, if you spent a certain amount of money, you got a volume of an encyclopedia, and at the end, a dictionary and a thesaurus.  The encyclopedias are still sitting on a shelf in my parent’s house (which unfortunately is now under the domain of the c**t that won’t be named here).  But the dictionaries are sitting on my shelf at work, and allowed me to look up about 2/3 of the words that stumped me.  (I don’t have internet at work, as I’m in the woods.  So I’ve got to go old school, which I don’t mind one bit). 

I’d like to forget that this was a particularly rough year for the animals.  Losing Isis was gut wrenching.  Losing Lebowski, the last of our rescued ferrets was rough.  And making the decision to rehome the ducks, while the right thing for them in the long run, still chokes me up every time I think of them. 

I’m thankful for Kate Elliot, who wrote the best thing I’ve read since the Lord of the Isles series concluded in 2008.  Seriously, if you’re a fan of fantasy, go out and find her Crossroads trilogy.  Spirit Gate, Shadow Gate and Traitor’s Gate.  It hooks you thoroughly from the first few pages, and the end of the series left me absolutely gutted emotionally, and literally crying both happy and sad tears.  Given how much I read, if I say that it’s the best thing I’ve read in over a decade, trust me, it’s really fucking good. 

I learned that the first book printed in (what would become) the United States was the Bay Psalm Book, in 1640.  It was what is known as a “metrical psalter”, or a book of psalms that is meant to be sung.  There’s only 11 of them left, most in Ivy League university libraries, a few in larger private libraries (my Southern California friends can go see the copy in the Huntington Library), and one that was purchased by an individual at auction in 2013 for $14 Million, and is on loan to various libraries around the country. 

I learned about Joseph Bannister, who even most of my pirate loving friends didn’t know about.  He was one amazing dude.  He was a merchant seaman for Britain the 17^th century.  In the 1680’s, he switched sides, became a pirate, stole an HMS Navy Ship, escaped custody twice, defeated two Royal Navy ships in battle.  Supposedly was hanged after being caught again, but it was done far enough out in the harbor that no one saw the body, and then it was dumped out at sea.  Many speculate that he lived out his days in Central America.

I learned that the National Book Festival, arguably the largest book fair in the country, that takes place in DC every year, was started by Laura Bush, who had started something similar in the state of Texas when W. was governor there. 

I learned that there’s an island in the Caribbean named Big Major Cay Island, that is unpopulated by humans, but is a big tourist attraction, because it is home to hundreds of swimming pigs that will come out and eat fruit thrown to them by tourists. 

I learned that the most popular golf course in the Caribbean is in the Dominican Republic, and is called Dientes de Perro “Teeth of the Dog”.  Designed by the father of modern golf architecture, Pete Dye.

I’d like to forget that Pete Dye just passed away last week. 

I learned about the city of Colma outside of San Francisco.  It is a “necropolis”, founded as a city of cemeteries.  The dead outnumber the living 1000-1.

I learned that the name of what I’ve always aspired to be in my life is a “polymath”.  It means someone that has a great amount of knowledge on a wide variety of subjects. 

I learned, thanks to looking it up after reading David Baldacci’s Memory Man series, that hyperthymesia is a condition where you are able to have almost perfect recall of all of your personal memories and experiences. 

I’d like to forget the personal hell that was my allergy outbreak at Summerspank last Labor Day.  I have no idea what it was.  I’m only really allergic to grass seed, and whatever specific grass was in bloom that weekend made my life hell for four days.   I remember getting back into town, looking in a mirror and being aghast at how red and swollen my eyes were, only to have Sara tell me that it was the best I’d looked the whole weekend. 

I’d like to forget just how terrible the computer I’m typing this out on is.  It was really amazing when I bought it, like, 18 years ago.  But now basically the only things I can do on it is use Word (Word 2000, btw), play solitaire, and um… listen to it whine.  Really need to buy a new one, but it’s down the list on the priorities. 

I’m thankful for Roku, which brought back all the apps that I wasn’t able to use. The “smart” TV, had over the years had turned into a “dumb” TV, (seriously, don’t EVER buy a Vizio TV), because it no longer supported Amazon, Hulu, YouTube, or any of the other apps it did a couple of years ago when we bought it. 

I’m both thankful, and partially want to forget Joker.  Joaquin Phoenix turned in one of the most amazing performances I’ve ever seen, but that is one disturbing movie.  I’m actually a little stunned that it got nominated for as many Oscars as it did, but I’ll be stunned if he doesn’t win best actor. 

I’d like to forget that for the second time in three years, Laurell K. Hamilton didn’t put out a book.  Fuck, woman, it’s hard enough waiting a year for new books from my favorite authors.  Going two years between books sucks. 

I’d like to forget the image in my head of George R.R. Martin laughing to himself, “Only two years between books?  How does she write so fast?”

I’m thankful that for the first time in many years, I was able to buy art this year.  Like, more than just one tiny piece of art, I actually bought a number of pieces at the Salem Art Fair, and a nice piece at Clayfest. 

I’m thankful for the 1/2 price book sales at St. Vinnie’s on holiday weekends.  It is something I look forward to a month or two in advance, and it has allowed me to find some really amazing books for $1.50 each. 

I’m thankful for the best new author that I discovered this year, Joe Ide.  A Japanese guy writing about African-American crime in L.A., you’d never think it was going to work, but it does.  He’s the second coming of Elmore Leonard; the dialog just pops. 

I’d like to forget that I did less baking this year than I have for a long, long time.  I plan on trying to get back into it regularly in 2020. 

I learned about Blind Blake, a blues guitarist that actually recorded about 80 songs before Robert Johnson more famously did so. 

I learned (supposedly, but I haven’t tested it yet—it’s on my to do list very soon), that you can get stickers off of book covers by soaking them in lighter fluid.  The fluid evaporates relatively quickly, and takes all the adhesive with it, without leaving any damage to the book.  This will be a wonderful addition to my life if it turns out to be true (which according to multiple sources on Google, it seems to be).

I learned that Nidhogg is the Scandinavian version of the Devil.  (These are good things to know when your nickname is El Diablo).

I learned about a piece of art in Bebelplatz, Germany that commemorates the burning of books by the Nazi’s in 1933.  It is a 5x5x5 room set underground in the square, with a glass top so you can look down on empty bookshelves.  Very powerful.  Made by an Israeli artist named Mischa Ullman. 

I learned that Mark Hoffman was one of the most accomplished forgers in American history, and he made most of his money forging early Mormon documents.  “Dumb, de dumb dumb dumb.”

I’m thankful for the experience that was Nevermore, the Ballet Fantastique performance set to the works of Edgar Allan Poe.

I learned that the FBI changed it’s rules on firearms and shootouts after an incident in Miami in 1987, where two bank robbers, Michael Platt and William Magic, got into a shootout with 8 FBI agents.  Both men were killed, but not before also killing two of the FBI agents, in a gunfight where 125 rounds were discharged in under 4 minutes.  After this incident the FBI no longer allowed revolvers to be used as service weapons, as they are too difficult to reload in a fire fight. 

I learned that the Treaty of Union was the treaty that created Great Britain by uniting England with Wales and Scotland.  As a history major, I feel like I should have known that before. 

I’m thankful to have discovered Carl Hiaasen as an author this year, despite the fact that he’s been writing novels for a couple of decades.  He’s another one that reminds me of Elmore Leonard.  And thanks to his book Basket Case, about an obituary writer obsessed with the ages at which people have died, I’ve learned that I’ve already outlived Oscar Wilde, JFK, Elvis, George Orwell, Jack London, Edgar Allan Poe, Franz Kafka, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Jack Kerouac, and Robert Louis Stevenson.  Man, I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything with my life at this point. 

I learned that there is a Ghost Pepper cheese made by Yancey’s Fancy out of New York.  I also learned that there’s no real reason to have a cheese that contains ghost pepper mash, dried ghost peppers, and ghost pepper extract, other than to just make something so hot that it’s simply a novelty, and not something to actually use for flavor.

I learned that no matter how well prepared I am for the year end party and feast, that I always run out of time.  I’m thankful for my prep cooks, but we went from way ahead to way behind faster than the Texans did against the Chiefs. 

I’m thankful for the bird photos I was able to take this year at my site.  I took a few thousand photos from my front window where I hung a bird feeder.  I whittled those down to a few hundred great ones, and whittled that down to the best 12 to turn into a calendar.  If you’re ever at my site, I’ll be happy to show it to you. 

It only took all year, but I’m thankful that Corey finally showed up to play poker on the last Tuesday of the year.  I believe that most of my fellow players were as shocked as everyone on Stranger Things when Dustin’s girlfriend turned out to be real. 

I’m thankful that I was able to leave a bunch more books around town this year for my Eugene Free Books group.  I enjoy doing it, and hopefully the people who find them enjoy reading them. 

I’m thankful again this year for Robert Noble of Noble Therapy.  I’m still a train wreck plummeting over a cliff into a dumpster fire, but I’m a little less of one this year than I was last year, and hopefully will be even less of one next year.  Therapy does work.  It’s hard, but it works. 

I learned this year that I was a Golden Child growing up.  This realization rocked my world, and led to both many many breakthroughs in my personal therapy, and a whole lot of anger at how much it fucked up my life from the time I was a kid until now.  I’ve literally got 40 years of fucked up issues from it.  Thank you Larkin for the post that got me to realize this, and a bit of a fuck you for revealing that my personal Matrix wasn’t real.  Kidding, I love you.  But it was a shock in the moment, and continues to be months later.

As I get to the drum solo portion of Different Stages Live, I’d like to reiterate how much I’d like to forget that Neil Peart is no longer among us. 

I’m thankful for my personal library. And I’d like to forget that even when I bought two new full-size bookshelves, that they were immediately full and I’m now stacking books two deep on them again.

While I always knew that chipotle peppers were smoked and dried jalapenos, I just learned this year, that pretty much all of the peppers I use for flavoring are just dried and smoked versions of the other peppers I use for cooking with.  Poblano->Ancho, Anaheim->Colorado, Serrano->Chile Seco, and on and on.  I felt like an idiot that I didn’t know this sooner, but I’m glad that I do now.

I’m thankful to have seen the pitch that Oliver Drake threw this year that went viral.  Seriously, Google “Oliver Drake Splitter”, and watch it.  Even if you’re not a baseball fan, it’s some seriously physics defying stuff.   But the thing I’m really thankful for is the fact that I have been able to coach a kid that can throw almost that same pitch.  He’s the greatest kid I’ve coached in 32 years of coaching (Sorry Ron, after 30 years you were finally passed).  I’m honored to have been able to coach him for the past three years, and can’t wait to see how far he can go. 

I’m thankful that I was able to go to the Portland Zoo for the first time this year.  I really enjoyed it.   I actually managed a long weekend where I did the Zoo, the Oregon Coast Aquarium, and the Portland Art Museum all in the course of 5 days.  I highly recommend it if you can pull it off.

I’d like to forget that my car window was broken in this year in an act of pure vandalism. 

I’d like to forget how divided we are as a nation, and that I really don’t see a clear path back to civility.  I will do my part, but fear I’m in an ever shrinking minority. 

Okay, here’s where I tell you that you can go ahead and skip to the end of the blog.  Seriously, the next section is going to be just a bunch of self-flagellation and over-emotional tripe that I wanted to save until nearly the end, so that you can already be tired, and need an excuse to skip ahead.  Seriously, I’m fine with it, I’ll even put in another little handy dividing line when I’m done so that you know where you can cut back into the conversation. 

Go ahead, jump forward. 

Still here?  Jesus you’re a glutton for punishment…

I’d like to forget how bad I managed to fuck up my relationship over the course of the past few years, and the fact that it’s over now.  A few years ago, I wrote a note called something like, 29 truths about me, where the last four were supposed to be written as though they were my mom telling me things.  And one was basically, you finally found a really good relationship, after years of picking train wrecks and psychopaths… Don’t fuck this one up.  Well, I fucked it up.  I’d like to forget that all the memes out there about what not to put up with in a partner, are pretty much things that she put up with in me for far longer than she needed to.  She gave more of herself than I had any right to expect, and in turn I did very little to earn that. 

I learned, okay, I already knew it, but obviously forgot it, so hell, I don’t know… But relationships are a lot of work.  Not just when they’re going bad, but even when they’re going well.  Or even when you think they’re going well, but in reality they’re being eaten away from the inside because you’re too lazy to notice.  They’re always work, and you don’t get to take time off just because you don’t want to do the work. I hope that I’ve learned this for the future, and I truly hope that whoever is fortunate enough to be with her in the future will already know that. 

I’m thankful for the 10 years that we had together.  For all the memories created and shared.  I’m thankful for my time with all the animals, most of whom will go with her when the time comes for her to move out.  I’m thankful for the experience of having someone truly love me, which wasn’t the case with the previous long-term relationships that I’ve been in. 

I’d truly like to forget being an ass, and everything that I’ve done wrong over the years.  But fortunately, I’m unable to forget those things, so hopefully I’ll learn from them.  We both deserve better than I was able to give.  There aren’t enough apologies in the world to proffer up, nor should there be. 

I’m exceedingly thankful that we have remained friends, and hopefully will always be a part of one another’s lives.  We always did get the friendship part right. 

Okay, that’s enough beating myself up, even if I deserve it…

Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

I’m thankful to so many of my friends that I never seem to tell that to.  I appreciate what you do for the world, and how it brightens mine in ways that you don’t even know.  So, while I can’t even come close to mentioning all of you, and I apologize to everyone that I don’t mention here, a few people that stand out in this moment… Ericka and Annie, for being the type of parents that I wish the world would emulate; Rob and Meghan for making me laugh with almost all of your posts, and making me pissed off at Trump with the rest of them; Larkin, for being you, and for posting so many things that help me and others deal with trauma of all sorts; Lilith for your courage; Des, because how much you love Harry Potter is how much everyone should love everything they love; Katie for posting both the funniest memes, and some of the most insightful sociological posts; Teresa for being the type of teacher I wish I’d had growing up (I had some really good ones, and you’re better than all of them); To all of my friends in the LGBTQ community (I’d list you all individually, but then I’d be tagging half my friends list), thank you for having the courage to be your authentic selves; Pat for your friendship through the years; Chris for having had so many years coaching together.  I wish I could name you all, but eventually I need to wrap this blog up. 

I’m thankful for my weekly poker game, which is still going after almost 13 years.  Anyone local that would like to play, we’d love to have you.  Every Tuesday at 7.

I’m thankful that Glacier has made it another year.  Seriously, he’s ornery as ever, and some days his back seems to not let him move at all.  But at 16 1/2 that’s still pretty impressive. 

I’m thankful that despite my general lack of “good” health, I’m still here alive and kicking. 

I’m thankful for my general sense of optimism, which went away from me for a few years there while I battled depression.  But for the most part it’s back now, and while I’m not the carefree spirit that I once was, I’m getting there, and at least am back to being pretty optimistic about most things in my life, even if the world scares me more than ever right now.  Looking over this post, the fact that I have fewer things I’d like to forget, and more things that I’m thankful for and that I learned, shows that things are trending up.

I’m thankful for Dan Rather, who is one of the true voices of reason in the news landscape.  I wish he was still on TV, but that’s such a dying medium, that I think it’s probably better that he’s writing, blogging, and using social media to get a stronger message across than he would have been allowed to in the past.

I watched less TV this year than in almost any year in recent memory (yay, books!), so I don’t have a whole lot of great new shows to be thankful for.  Feel free to send me suggestions for a change. 

Saved… My computer, you know, the one that I was bitching about earlier, decided to crash before I had finished this.  Fortunately, it saved about 98% of it…

All I had left to say is that I am thankful for each and every one of you.  My life feels blessed because of the friendships that I have.  The old saying “Blood is thicker than water” which most people think means that Family is more important than Friends, is actually a shortened version of “The Blood of the Covenant is Thicker Than the Water of the Womb”, which of course means exactly the opposite.  My chosen family, namely, all of you, means more to me than my family ever did.  One of the reasons for my optimism is the joy that I get from every one of you.  Thank you for being my friends.  And if you read all of this, thank you for that as well.   I love you all.